NBA FASTBREAK ISSUE #1

This is the 1st edition of the FASTBREAK and let me tell you if you like THE LOW DOWN your going to love the FASTBREAK! This publication will be filled with interviews,opinions,and insights that you won't get anywhere else. If anything is happening in the world of the NBA or the NCAA you better believe I will give you the inside scoop from a professional's perspective.

1. I have already started my GARY GOTTA GO chants. I have supported Gary ever since he took over for Bob Wade and that was back when the Terps were on probation and you couldn't even watch them on network TV. The Terps were so bad back then, they were treated like black people back in the 60's. They had to enter through the backdoor of the gym, ride on the back of the bus, and when they visited top 10 programs like Duke and UNC they were told we don't serve your kind. Your kind meaning loosers. There was know way in hell things could get worse than that, but apparently I was wrong. The Terps have become annual members of the NIT club for loosers and this year will be year 5. How much shit can a motherfucker take ?



2. In the the 90's and the early 2000's MD. was a perenial top 20 program. There was Duke,UNC,Arizona,Conneticut,Michigan,Syracuse,Arkansas,Kansas, and Kentucky. Every year you knew Gary and the boys were at least sweet 16 bound. It started with THE WIZARD Walt Williams, Joe Smith, Keith Booth, Johnny Rhodes,Xree Hipp,Stevie Franchise and ended with Steve Blake,Juan Dixon,Lonnie Baxter ,Byron Mouton and Chris Wilcox winning it all. Through it all getting our asses whipped by Ray Allen and UCONN, Bootsie Thorton,Ron Artest and St. John's, Juwan Howard and the Fab 4,and Steve Nash and Santa Clara I still loved and supported my Terps. Remember when the Terps beat Marcus Camby,Lou Roe,Donta Bright,Edgar Padiila,Carlos Travieso and Umass.How about when we dismantled Tayshon Prince,Keith Bogans and that Kentucky Wildcat squad.Caron Butler, Ben Gordan, Omekar Okafor and UCONN also tasted defeat.Nick Collison,Drew Gooden,Kirk Hinrich,and Kansas also tasted an L. Last but not least that Jarred Jeffries Indiana squad bowed down to greatness. Fear The Turtle.



3. Every year you knew we were going to step to Duke and more often than not it was in there building. Say what you want about the UNC/DUKE rivalry, but nothing was hotter than MD./DUKE. Don't you miss that shit. Billy Packer and Jim Nantz calling our games and questioning why Gary is sticking with Blake after turnover after turnover. DUKIE V rooting for Duke, but having to praise the Terps because of their ability to rise to the occasion. The Terps may not have had the most McDonald's All Americans but they kept star NBA quality talent on their teams.



4. Look at the Terps now loosing to Morgan St. , Bethune Cookman, Booker T International,BWI Flight School, and any other University you can think of because no one fears the Turtle. Can you name anyone on the Terps starting 5. How do you go from winning a National Championship to loosing to football schools like Florida St.,Va Tech, and The U. It's hard to believe guys don't want to come to MD.. I thtink Gary just doesn't recruit well and he refuses to adjust to the so called one and done athlete. There was a time right after he won a National Title where Gary walking into your living room would have been enough for most guys, but now you have to sell yourself like Roy and Coach K do. I like Gary but he refuses to adapt and much like the ORIOLE WAY, FEAR THE TURTLE is a thing of the past. Gary do the right thing and walk away.



5. I witnessed something the other night watching the Laker/Magic game and my boy Brad Piff brought to my attention again, because I was in denial. Dwight Howard is a motherfucking beast and the Magic are for real. I knew Howard was an animal, but what I didn't know was good Jameer Melson has become. They shoot threes like the Rockets used too, but Dwight as good as he is will never be like Akeem Olajuwan. MEMO TO THE REST OF THE NBA: THE MAGIC IS FOR REAL AND IF YOUR NOT CAREFUL A PIMP NAMED STERN THEY COULD RUIN YOUR LAKER/CAVS FINAL OR YOUR LAKER/CELTIC FINAL.



6. Kobe vs LeBron didn't live up to the hype, because Kobe played lockdown D on Queen James with with 3 healthy fingers on his right hand. People say Kobe's team is better than LeBron's team. That shit doesn't matter when that supposed sorry ass Cav's team beat the Celtics and had the best record in the league did it. They still have the best record at home in the NBA don't they. The Lakers have injuries just like the Cavs, but that game came down to Kobe making a statement. Most people in his position(Does Gilbert Arenas ring a bell)wouldn't even be playing right now let alone guarding the 2nd best player on the planet. That's what Queen James is right now. Kobe knew the importance of this game and he wanted to make a statement like he did when they played the Celtics. I think LeBron is still learning and he and Kobe are playing two different games right now. Kobe is the wiley veteran you see at YMCA who knows all the sweet spots on the court and plays hard and knows when to expend his energy. Kobe realizes that a fadeaway jumper counts the same way dunking on fools does. It's just two points. When Kobe had to make a statement he did hitting a fadeaway, a baseline jumper and a high arcing jumper while falling out of bounds for an and one that if that was Mike he would have licked his fingers afterwards. LeBron is unstoppable in the open court and his court vision is second to none. Once he masters his jump shot and becomes a better defender he will be the best player on the planet. Until then OBE WAN KOBE is still the Jedi Master and LeBron Skyywalker is the heir apparent.



7. The Celtics are not as strong as last years team, but they are still the defending champs. They are weakened by the loss of P.J. Brown and James Posey. If you have a deep bench and you have length in your frontcourt like Atlanta,the Lakers, and the Magic you have a good shot at beating the Celtics and if A PIMP NAMED STERN tells Boston to play that soft as matador D they played against LeBron the last time they played the Cavs can beat them also. The key to beating the Celtics make Rondo,Garnett and Perkins beat you. Stay at home on Jesus Shuttlseworth and double The Lie(NOT THE TRUTH IN MY BOOK) Paul Pierce in the 4th quarter. If Garnett has to expend energy scoring he can't smack the floor and wave his finger in your PG's face while calling him a BITCH. Eastern Conference do my bidding and take care of the Celtics.



8. The Spurs are the Spurs. They are like Reebok classics. You would never wear them motherfuckers, but they have been around forever and will probaly never go away. As long as Tim Duncan is around they will always be contenders. I hate to say this shit , but the Spurs are like the Pats. The model of consistancy. They spend their money wisely and people just seem to fit in their system. With that being said lock down the little boy(Parker) and you will win 90% of the time.



9. A Pimp Named Stern has fucked this league up so bad that the only players in the league who the common man knows are KOBE,LEBRON,D-WADE,THE DADDY,A.I., and GARNETT. The Portland Trailblazers and the Atlantla Hawks are two up and coming teams and no one recognizes they are legit contenders to the title. Blaim A PIMP NAMED STERN and his fixed ass league for this shit.



10. I was thinking about the impoortance of PG play in the NBA and I compared it to the QB position in the NFL. Here is what I came up with:



11. 1)Andre Miller plays like Peyton Manning. They are both cerebral nd neither one is a great athlete.



12. 2)Chris Paul is Tom Brady. They are both the best at their positions and they both do more with less.



13. 3)Darin Williams plays like Donavan McNabb. They are both physical and make plays that other people at their positions can't make.



14. 4)Steve Nash plays like Kurt Warner. When they are in the right system with the right players they are at their best.



15. 5)Chauncey Billups plays like Big Ben Rothesberger. Neither are pretty, but with the game on the line Mr. Big shot and Big Ben always seem to come through.



16. 6)Devin Harris plays like Tony Romo. They both play at one speed fast. They are both young and have to learn how to be leaders and better game managers.



17. 7)Tony Parker plays like Drew Brees. They don't look the part, but both are assasins. They are at their best when the offenses run through them and the game is a shootout.



18. 8)Steve Blake plays like Jeff Garcia. They are both winners who teamates love playing with, but management is always looking to replace them. They are both fundamently sound also.



19. 9)Jason Kidd plays Brett Favre. Their best days are behind them, but they can still win with the right teams. They are both legends who got replaced by younger talent.



20. 10)Gilbert Arenas plays like Phillip Rivers. They are both arrogant,cocky, and demand attention. Neither has won anything,but that won't stop them from talking.



21. Mike Bibby plays like Carson Palmer. They both rely on the long ball. Carson likes to throw deeop and Bibby loves to shoot the three. Their teamates respect them and they are both leaders who happen to be pretty good.



22. What do you think about the comparisons? Send your comments or your own comparisons.



23. HIGH FIVE



24. 1)ORLAND MAGIC- 33-8 -THE BEST ROAD RECORD IN THE NBA



25. 2)LA LAKERS-32-8- THE HIGHEST SCORING TEAM IN THE NBA



26. 3)CLEVELAND CAVS-31-8-PERFECT AT HOME AND THE BEST DEFENSE GOING



27. 4)BOSTON CELTICS-34-9 THE DEFENDING CHAMPS HAVE THAT SWAGGER AGAIN



28. 5)SAN ANTONIO SPURS-28-13-GINOBLI HAS SPARKED THEIR RESURGANCE



29. MVP



30. 1)KOBE BRYANT- THE BEST IN THE GAME



31. 2)LEBRON JAMES-UNSTOPPABLE THE BEST PLAYER NOT NAMED KOBE



32. 3)DWIGHT HOWARD-THE REL MAN CHILD. A WALKING 20-20 MACHINE
33. 4)DWAYNE WADE- PLAYING THE BEST BALL OF HIS CAREER
34. 5)TIM DUNCAN-MANNING THE MIDDLE FOR ONCE LIKE A REAL CENTER
35. BOTTOM 3:
36. 3)la clippers-9-31-they don't deserve to play in the Staple Center
37. 2)washington wizards 8-32-eyeing that #1 pick
38. 1)oklahoma city thunder-8-34-they suck
39. I'M OUT LIKE THE PHOENIX SUNS CHAMPIONSHIP HOPES.

NFL LOW DOWN WEEK 20

The proceeding Low Down is brought to you by M.A.D.R.. That's MOTHER'S AGAINST DICK RIDING. It's not to late stop dick riding even if you have been doing it all your life. I know a lot of you want to know what dick riding is. I will break it down as easy as I can for all of you that have been effected by lead paint or have crack heads for parents. Remember when Michael Jordan played for the Bulls and you cheered his ass on because it was the popular thing to do. That's dick riding motherfucker, because you don't cheer the Bulls now because they are sorry as shit. Dick riders are like bandwagon jumpers except they don't realize it. In Baltimore alone I know about 60 well known Dick Riders and some of them I call friend. Get out before it's too late and one more thing after last nights ass whipping courtesy of the Lakers .Curtis stop that dick riding of Queen James.

• By now you all know I hate Omar Epps and the Steelers and for good reason. I'm a Cowboys fan first and for most and I can not have the Steelers winning a 6TH Superbowl before my Boys. Not on my watch. The only pleasure I got out of Sunday's game was that smiling ass Bitch Heinz Ward wasn't running around antagonizing motherfuckers with his antics.
• Now here are my views on yesterday's game. It is amazing how Ravens fans view Sunday's game a lot different with Harbaugh as a coach than they would have if Billick was there. Raven's fans are tipping their hats to the Steelers and saying how proud they were of their team even though they loss. They are not blaming Flacco either. They are just saying that the better team won. That's bullshit.
• If Billick was head coach and Bowler was the QB all hell would have broke loose. Billick's genius title would have been questioned and everyone would have blamed Kyle Bowler for the loss including his teammates.When Flaco threw the pass that Polamalu ran back, the Ravens gave up. No one wanted to tackle him and the game was still in doubt. If Polamalu is tackled two things could have happened. The Ravens could have forced a punt or forced the Steelers to kick a field goal. Either scenario and the Ravens would have still had a chance to win. The score was 16-14 at that point. A field goal by the Steelers would have made it 19-14. A Ravens touchdown wins the game. I'm not bashing anyone , but you know that shit is true. Polamalu on his gimpy leg should have been tackled, but the offense gave up after the pick. "What you talking about Willis McGahee and Derrick Mason played their asses off. All you Raven fans that talked bad about Willis became his biggest supporters after he got fucked up. When you thought he couldn't contribute anymore you wanted to get rid of him. After that long run in Dallas and his success since you all started dick riding Willis. I don't like McGahee never had never will, but at least I never questioned his heart or ability to still play the game. I respect Mason, because he played four straight games with a separated shoulder and never complained. He is a throwback to when guys didn't do their talking off field they let their play on the field do it for him. T-Sizzle you are all man. Playing with one arm you were the best defender on the field. If you stay with the Ravens their is your future leader on D. The Raven's offense couldn't get anything going and I put this on Cameron. You know you have a rookie playing in the biggest game of his career. Even though Flaco won't admit it you know he was as nervous as you are when you take an aids test. Your positive you know what the results will be ,but your still scared none the less. I think the Ravens should have ran more and played a battle of field position with the Steelers. Don't change who you are now. PLAY YOUR GAME! You know who the Ravens missed the most. Chris Mcallister! You never replaced him and trust me you wouldn't catch Chris out there slipping and sliding and doing the electric slide like the rest of those buffoons out there in the secondary. The Ravens had their chances and blew it. It is ok to be mad at Flaco, or your receivers, or Cameron, or Harbaugh for that matter. You know you would have done the same to Billick.
• Hey Benedict Reid you got what you deserve. Philly fans who are you blaming now. Bet not be Donovan. He wasn't the one getting stepped on by Fitzgerald. Ever heard of making someone else beat you. I heard all of this talk about the Eagles being this years version of the Giants. Actually the Cardinals are this years version of the Giants and the Giants are this years version of the Cowboys. How so do you say?
• Unlike the Giants of last year the Eagles went into the playoffs on a roll. After crushing my Boys their confidence went through the roof. The Giants loss to the Pats last year and they backed into the playoffs. No one expected the Giants to beat the Cowboys let alone win the Superbowl. The Eagles were favorites in all of their playoff games and were seen as a legitimate threat to win it all.
• The Cardinals like the Giants ended the season with question marks hanging over their heads. They didn't play their best ball until the playoffs started. No one expected them to beat the Panthers and look at them now. They are in the playoffs.
• Eagles fans enjoy the off season and dream about what could have been bitches! Sorry Fiq , but you know I hate yall motherfuckers!
• Word out of Dallas is Jerry Jones wants Ray Lewis. Memo to Ravens fans. Who doesn't want Ray Lewis. Ray Lewis is like that fine ass girl you knew in high school who had a steady boyfriend. You always knew she was fine, but you never had the chance to tell her. Now years later you are both older, but she is still fine, so what do you do? You tell her how you always felt about her and how much you want her now. You hope that is enough to finally make her yours. Ravens fans that's the scenario and the other teams out there are salivating about having a player the caliber of Ray Lewis on their team. Sources tell me the Cowboys are willing to give Ray 25 million dollars in guaranteed money.That's a lot for any player, but hey it's not my money. Part of me wants Ray to be a Cowboy and another part of me wants him to retire a Raven. Either way I'm happy. As much as I dislike Jerry getting involved in everything, I know his heart is in the right place.
• Steelers or Cardinals. I will give my pick next week.
• The hit that McGahee received was the most vicious hit I have ever heard in my life and I wasn't even in Pittsburgh. The doctors said he was neurologically cleared to leave the hospital. I'm not Doogie Howser or anything but what the fuck does that mean? Is that code for, because his neck is still attached to his head he is OK to leave. What kind of clinic did they send McGahee too, because I know damn well they normally keep you there and run tests.? I guess that's what happens when a Raven gets treated for an injury in Pittsburgh. That's a rivalry for your ass!
• The more you tell the Cardinals they don't belong the more they keep proving everyone wrong. Do you think Kurt Warner belongs in the Hall of Fame. I do and if he wins it will be a no brainier.
• Not to long ago my family members Nick, Big Bub, and myself engaged in an argument over who was the best back of all time. I said BO JACKSON,ERIC DICKERSON,AND EMMITT SMITH. They all had the audacity to say Barry (I HAVE NEVER DONE SHIT WHEN IT COUNTED SANDERS) was better than Emmitt. I will argue my points about this in another Low Down, but who do you think is the best RB,QB,WR, and DEFENSIVE PLAYERS YOU HAVE EVER SEEN? Come up with your own top 5 and I will write about it next week.
• The Jets have hired Rex Ryan as their new head coach and I say what took so long. Ravens fans you have nothing to worry about, because defensive coordinators come and go, but as long as Ray is there you will always have a top 5 Defense.
• While out in L.A. covering the Lakers and the Cavs I ran into Charles Barkley and after talking about the days we spent making it drizzle in Alabama we got into a discussion about who is better Mike or Kobe. You know I had to ask, so I asked Chuck was the Head that good that it made you track the bitch down when you spotted her. He said it was the best he had ever received and he wanted some more. I said but Chuck you are married. He said that getting your dick sucked is not cheating, because the girl can't get pregnant and I said TNT pays you how much to say stupid shit like that. He told me that getting your balls licked is very therapeutic and it allows you to release your stress. I said yeah and bust a nut too huh. He said that the guys that wrote the bible were racist and must have had little dicks, because it's nothing like some good old head to finish off the night. I said Charles are you listening to yourself and he said it was his constitutional right to bear arms and lay pipe nightly as long as the girl is over 18. We never finished our conversation, but Chuck is a character. He invited me to go gambling and hit the strip joints with him, Pacman, and Plaxico since they are not doing anything anytime soon.
• BUFFOON OF THE WEEK: Jerry Jones
• I now officially put this man in the BUFFOON HALL OF FAME. He has his own wing. News out of Dallas is that the Cowboys charter plane often left late for games while waiting for players to show up. This is bullshit. Jimmy Johnson once left Michael Irvin's ass at home and told him to fly commercial if he wanted to play. Players are fined $100 for being late to practice. Sources say the Boys were unhappy with Romo's practice habits. This is our fucking leader. No one questions Brady or Manning's practice habits. Even Iverson said practice were talking about practice not the game practice, questions Romo dedication. He said he would never fly to the Cobo one week before the playoffs and not expect criticism. We are two weeks before the Super Bowl and the Boys make the headlines for all the wrong reasons. There is know leadership or direction on this team. No wonder you want Sugar Ray on your team. This team is a joke only no one is laughing.

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NFL LOW DOWN WEEK 19

• I just got finished watching the Terps blow a 15 point lead and loose yet again to the U. Gary what the fuck is going on first you loose to Morgan St., then Miami. Whose next Witcha School for the Blind? What happens when you play real schools like Duke and N.Carolina? My bad your probably beat them. It's the team we are suppose to beat that we loose too. This shit is frustrating. Oh well we could always be fans of UNLV.
• If you listen to that saliva spitting Steeler lover Bill Cowher the Ravens shouldn't even show up to play the Steelers. With the return of God himself, I mean Willie Parker playing on Sunday the Ravens are in trouble. As an analyst myself if your not the Deadskins I try to remain unbiased. That shit I saw on CBS was down right pathetic. That shit sounded like a Steeler infomercial. All Cowher needed was for Dan,Boomer,and J.B. to waive the terrible towels and plague allegiance to the black and gold. At least Shannon Sharpe remembered that the Ravens had the second rated defense in the league and they did just beat the number# seed. The same Titans team that fucked the Steelers up two weeks ago. Memo to Cowher Dick Riding of any kind is not tolerated and the Ravens love that type of shit. Keep it up Bitch. Hey Ravens DO MY MOTHERFUCKING BIDDING FOR ME. I CAN'T HAVE THE STEELERS WINNING THEIR 6TH SUPER BOWL. FUCK THAT NOT ON MY WATCH!
• I talk to Jason Whitlock and I told him too to stop the Dick riding. He said he told the world how good Donovan McNabb was ever since that comment about OT happened. I have been talking about Donovan being an elite QB for the last five years. I am a Cowboys fan and I said Donovan can play for me any day of the week and twice on Sundays. Too me he is the 3rd best QB in football behind Brady and Manning. I'm talking about Peyton not Eli(THE MANNING IN NAME ONLY).Give him a WR and a running game and he would be just as good as the other two. If it wasn't for Benedict Reid Donovan still might be throwing to T.O. and my franchise wouldn't be in turmoil. 5 NFC Conference Title games in his career is nothing to sneeze at. That's a helluva an accomplishment. With all that said I hope the Cardinals whip that ass.
• I want the Ravens to play the Cardinals. There I said it. Now back to being professional.
• I tried to tell America about Eli. He can no longer be referred to as a Manning. I can't disrespect Archie, Peyton, and River. In case you didn't know River is 3rd string tumbler in his tiny tots class. Without that buffoon Plaxico Eli looked like Kyle Bowler with his accuracy. If he can't throw the jump ball to Plaxico or hand off to Jacobs he is an average QB. I know he won a ring last year, but does the name Trent Dilfer mean anything to you guys. I'm not sold on Eli and I never will be.
• The same thing goes for Jake Delhome. I told you about Jake way back in week 4. When you need him the most he can't be counted on. He has really only had one good season and now his team is seeing him for who he really is. An adequate game manager who can't come through with the game on the line. You have a good defense, a good running game,a good offensive line and the best WR in the game and you can't beat the Cardinals in your own building. I wonder why.
• This just in The Boys are thinking about cutting T.O.. Sources in the Cowboys camp tell me that Stephen Jones wants to get rid of T.O., but Jerry loves his ass. Jerry loves the challenge of working with trouble makers, because win, loose, or draw it keeps his ass in the news. Jason Garrett is interviewing with the Rams and he has already talked to the Lions. I think the only way he turns down those jobs is if The Boys cut T.O.(WHO CRITICIZED HIS PLAY CALLING LAST SEASON) and guarantee him the head coach position. I believe T.O. has influenced a lot of guys and everyone except for Jerry can see that cutting him can only benefit the team. Jerry though has 12million reasons to keep T.O. and he loves his entertainment value. It will be interesting to see who wins out in this power struggle.Personally T.O. needs to go because his best years are behind him and he will only become a bigger headache. The young guys Barber,Jones Creyton and Williams need to learn from Whitten on how to be a professional. Take it from the best ran sports franchise out their the Pats better to get rid of them one year early than one year too late.
• The Only time that being a Cowboy actually saved a players life. Michael Irvin was driving when he was approached by another car and had a semi automatic rifle pulled out on him. Michael said the guy recognized that he played for the Boys and they began to talk about the disappointing season that just occurred. Michael said he feared for his life, but the gunmen finished their conversation, wished him the best and left without any harm being done to him. HOW BOUT THEM COWBOYS!
• I talked to Brandon Jacobs and Jason Tuck and they both told me we can't win without Plaxico. He said he could shoot his dick off and smoke crack whenever he wants as long as he lines up on Sundays and makes those plays. Tuck said that he sympathizes with the fans for having to watch Eli try to play QB last week. He said he was there and that shit was ugly, so he can only imagine what it look like on TV. Memo to Coughlin: YOU ARE NOT BELICHECK BITCH. STOP FUCKING WITH YOUR TALENT LIKE YOU ACTUALLY HAVE A SYSTEM THERE. Play your guys and stop that fake ass discipline. You overplayed your stroke and now you are getting ready for the draft just like the deadskins and THE BOYS.
• THE FINAL FOUR
• 1)THE PITTSBURGH STEELERS -OMARR EPPS YOU LUCK WILL RUN OUT SOON
• 2)BALTIMORE RAVENS- THAT IS NO ORDINARY JOE.
• 3)PHILADELPHIA EAGLES-PEEKED AT THE RIGHT TIME
• 4)ARIZONA CARDINALS- TOO DUMB TOO REALIZE WHAT'S AR STAKE
• BUFFOON OF THE WEEK: SWEET MEAT JACKSON
• Eddie Curry's Limo driver. Mr Sweet Meat was an ex convict that Curry employed as his round the clock driver and he allowed him to leave in his basement while working for him. Sweet Meat alleges that Curry was sitting in the limo butt naked eating cheerios when he asked Sweet Meat if he wanted touch this. Sweet Meat said no thank you and Curry said why won't you look at it . You know you want all of this Sweet Meat. Sweet Meat declined and he said Curry jacked his Johnson and made Sweet meat clean it up. Sweet Meat is said to be suing for lost wages and emotional damage. My boy Brad Piff said never trust a lowlife. Judge Mathis accused Sweet Meat of using and told him he was lying. Why would a millionaire who is married with children and has the world at his finger tips resort to offering the bow to his ex con limo driver. This shit is funny as hell and because of this Sweet Meat Jackson is the Buffoon of the week.
• I'M OUT LIKE JERRY JONES COMMON SENSE!

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NFL LOW DOWN WEEK 18

Let me start off this week of the Low Down, by telling you I experienced something down in Miami that totally blew me away while I was covering the Ravens/Dolphins game. And no I'm not talking about all that scattered ass that was there for the taking either.

• When I'm out covering games I'm normally surrounded by the local media and the visiting teams local beat writers. Because this was a playoff game and it was nationally televised there was a lot more media coverage and there was a big buzz hanging over DOLPHIN STADIUM LOCATED ON DAN MARINO BLVD. This mutherfucker has a street named after him and he never won shit. Miami loves that sum bitch and Jimmy Johnson don't have know candy bar or not even a goodamn poster of himself put up anywhere and he won national championships.
• Well anyway were sitting up in our VIP SUITES me ,Chris Mortenson, Jay Glazier, and Rodney Harrison. Yeah that Rodney Harrison of New England Patriot fame and we are all covering the game. Rodney is there on behalf of the NFL NETWORK and he said he is hoping to get into broadcast TV.
• Well the game starts and we are exchanging notes and observations when all of a sudden I hear "yeah get that mutherfucker Suggs! That's what the fuck I'm talking about. Punk Ass Bitch. They Don't want none. I do a double take, because I swear That's Brad Piff talking or Rodney must be smoking that ooohhh weeee. I'm thinking one he is not a Raven he is a Patriot and two he is covering this game ,he is supposed to be unbiased. That dick riding got me to believing that no matter how old you are or no matter how much money you have anyone and I mean anyone is capable of dick riding and there is nothing you can do about. He was giddy like a prostitute with a fresh bag of dicks and there was no calming him down.
• When I asked where is this shit coming from. He told me Romeo and I said that's Mr. Igromo to you. Excuse me Mr. Igromo I'm a fan of smash mouth defense and the Ravens personify that shit. They are a beauty to behold and they make me want to strap up right now and hit someone when they are not looking because just like Hines Ward you know That's what I do. He went on to say that this is some Avon Barksdale, Stringer Bell shit going on and that he would love to be The Omarr of that crew. I'm like damn Rodney you coming out the closet or some shit. You want to be a HOMO THUG. No nothing like that I want to be a Raven. So there you have it Dick Riding at the highest level by a grown ass man still employed by the Patriots. Even Kim Kardashian can't dick ride that good!
• Now back to the game. I lean over and I tell Chris is it just me or are the Dolphins intimidated. They look like scared Bitches out there. Chris replied not a tuna led team. No way No how. I'm watching the game and my cell rings. It's Piff and he said did you see that shit. Ray didn't just tackle Ricky Williams, He mushed his ass into the ground with a forearm and told him to stay down Bitch you don't want none. I'm like damn this is some school bully shit. The RAVENS are not only skilled and well prepared, but they are out to hurt and disfigure mutherfuckers.
• After the game we all came to one conclusion This Ravens team is for real and that Ravens Titans is going to be a slobberknocker.
• On to a more important topic How in the hell did Ed Reed or Demarcus Ware not win Defensive Player of the Year. Even Joey could have won and I would have understood. James Harrison is not even the best player on his own team that goes to Troy Polamalu. I don't want to hear that shit about the Steeler D being number 1 either because Bob Sanders won the Defensive Player of the Year and the Colts D have never even been top 10. Give me a fucking break. The Saints had the number #1 offense in the NFL and I don't see Drew Brees holding up the MVP TROPHY. The media puts whatever type of spin on shit when they see fit. Defensive Player of the Year ED REED.
• I was having a conversation with a good friend mind from the Indianapolis Star and I asked him why does he and the rest of America give Peyton and Dungy the benefit of the doubt every time they loose. Peyton has one ring. That's one more than Tony Romo and myself and I don't even fucking play. I have never heard one bad thing said about Peyton or Dungy when they loose. It's like just go get them next year. Why is that because they are good guys. Put that team in Dallas and they would be calling for some changes at the top. I think the media is afraid of loosing access to Peyton so they don't call him an underachiever or criticize Dungy for being soft with his team. I like Dungy as a person, but we are talking about winning football games, not parenting or how to be a good human being. There is no excuse for the MVP going out in the first round that's bullshit. Then again this is the NFL where they want to protect the Golden Boy image of Peyton and that means no criticism of his on field play, but he is our cover boy. Shouldn't that be Tom Brady or Ray Lewis or Ed Reed. Can't do that because Tom dates Supermodels and wins Super Bowls and Ed Reed and Ray just happen to be the best defenders in the game. Think about that when look at the games this week and see a Peyton Manning commercial.
• Speaking of Peyton I want to talk about that bullshit called Sudden Death. I think each team should get the ball at least once in OT and and if the games is stilled tied after that whoever scores first wins. Playoff games let alone regular season games should not be decided with a coin flip, but by the actual play of the teams involved.
• Hey Jerry Marty is still out there. I know he would bring discipline to the Boys and a winning attitude. I'm talking about Schottenheimer the man who went 14-2 and was fired by the Chargers because his field goal kicker is not clutch. With that type of thinking Dungy and Bobby Bowden should both be out of work.
• That footage of Pacman Jones at that strip club confirms everything I already knew. That this mutherfucker is crazy. Granted that police officer should not have asked his girlfriend for a lap dance, but damn he apologized and Pacman still wanted to kill his ass. Pacman threatened to kill everyone in the club, because he could and he didn't give a fuck. Hope you saved your money Pacman, because no one is ever going to touch your ass again except for a stripper. Make it Rain mutherfucker. Make it Rain.
• Donovan McNabb and the Eagles think they are this years version of the Giants. It's a damn shame you both couldn't loose, because I hate both teams.Once again it's going to come down to QB play. Eli (THE MANNING IN NAME ONLY) or McNabb the sometimes Chosen one. Hard to call.
• No one is talking about The Panthers/Cardinals game. The only shot the Cardinals have is if Bouldin plays and they slow down the Panthers running game. Triple Team Steve Smith as soon as he get's off the team bus. No forget that cover his ass starting tonight. I don't believe in Jake Delhome so you do have a punchers chance.
• I hope the Steelers do what the Colts did and sleep on Darren Sproles. He is a difference maker and I wouldn't let LT. No fuck that he hasn't earned the right to have initials. LaDainian Tomlison should not even touch the ball unless he is 100% going up against the Steelers. Both teams play good defense. The crowd and the field will play a big role in the outcome. Chargers take care of the ball and you can win in Pittsburgh. The Steelers have no line and Big Ben is prone to interceptions. Much like the Ravens the Steelers live and die with the Defense creating scoring opportunities. Philip play smart. There is nothing wrong with three and out. Do my bidding and take out Omar Epps and the Steel Drapery I mean curtain.
• My sources in Detroit tell me that the Head Coaching job is Jason Garrett's if he wants it. Jason take that shit. That's the best gig out there. Look at the upside. Two wins and that is a 200% improvement. You can only look good in this situation and you will get all of the credit. I know the Lions are buffoons, but it's better than being Jerry's Bitch. Grow some balls and take that shit.
• I ran into Brett Favre at the Old Country Buffet in Louisiana and he told me he was upset about the comments a certain RB made in the media about him. Brett told me that other than handing off to him that he never even knew his name or his number. Brett said how dare this guy bad mouth him to the media what has he ever done. I told Brett his name was Thomas Jones and that he is Julius Jones' s brothers. Brett said who Star Jones. I said no Thomas Jones. Brett said it doesn't matter because he doesn't have a street named after him or a sandwich and that when it comes down to it 99.9% of the team has his back. He also said he wanted to talk to Jermaine Dupri and Arsenio Hall two of his best friends before making a decision about whether or not to retire. After eating some Possum pie and raccoon pudding we said our goodbyes and Brett invited me to go Coon hunting next month. I said what the fuck you just say. He said coon hunting that's what the good ol boys call bears down there. I told him okay hopped in my paddle boat and left.
• THE ELITE EIGHT
• 1)NY GIANTS - THEY HAVE THE SWAGGER
• 2)TENNESSEE TITANS - OUT TO PROVE SOMETHING
• 3)BALTIMORE RAVENS - DEFENSE IS ON A MISSION
• 4)CAROLINA PANTHERS - JAKE DELHOME?
• 5)PITTSBURGH STEELERS - LUCK MAY RUN OUT
• 6)PHILADELPHIA EAGLES - PLAYING INSPIRED BALL
• 7)SAN DIEGO CHARGERS - THE SUPER CHARGERS BELIEVE
• 8)ARIZONA CARDINALS - THEY HAVE KNOW IDEA WHAT PRESSURE FEELS LIKE. MORE PLAYOFF WINS THAN MY BOYS THIS DECADE
• BUFFOON OF THE WEEK: CHARLES I NEED ANOTHER BLOW JOB BARKLEY! What the fuck is his problem? He was drunk, but he was sober enough to spot that ass and remember that head that he got. Charles is as big a buffoon as Pacman Jones without the body count. You want me to list his rap sheet. He spit on a girl at a game, because he was getting heckled. H e threw a mutherfucker through a plate glass window at a bar because the person threw a drink in his face. That's some Clint Eastwood (DIRTY HARRY)shit right there throwing a mutherfucker through a window. GODAMN. He has a gambling problem and forgets to pay what he owes. Because he is Charles Barkley he gets away with this shit. He needs to be fired by TNT and serve some time along with OJ. If that was me and you we would still be locked up crying for someone to come and get us. Charles got arrested took some pictures , signed some autographs, and thanked the cops for their time. What the fuck? Is this mutherfucker delusional. They should have tazered his ass. You drink and drive, your married and you admit to getting head, and thank the cops for arresting you. Let me get some of that shit your snorting, because republicans don't smoke crack only democrats do. So that I too can get arrested and look at world like I am a better man for that shit. This mutherfucker acts like he was sitting in on a protest for civil rights when he was arrested falsely and then let go. This type of behavior should not be tolerated and Pacman Jones said meet him at Players Club next Sunaday he knows where you can get some banging ass head from. I'm done.
• I'm like Paman Jones. Did you see that shit he was wearing in the beginning of the Blog. What the fuck is all I can say?
  
  
  
  
  
  

ED REED IS A BAD MUTHERFUCKER

I'm going to start this off with a disclaimer. I'm not being an emotional Bitch, because my team was eliminated and know I'm not smoking that ooooh weeee. Also you know I don't advocate dick riding on any level by any man. The following comments that you are about to read are those exclusively made by a man caught up in the moment and any rebroadcast or unauthorized use of my words without the express written consent of the National Football League or Igromo Inc is prohibited.

• What I witnessed on Sunday down in Miami was something my mother always warned me about as a kid. There are certain things that you just don't do, because there are always consequences for your actions. My mother told me not go outside without my coat and hat on , because I might catch a cold. My mother told me not to eat and then go directly into the pool, because I could get cramps and die. She also told me to make sure I have on clean socks and underwear everyday, because you just never know. All things that to this day I still adhere too. Now I can't remember if my mom told me this or not but even I know that you don't throw the football against the Ravens ANYWHERE NEED ED "STRINGER BELL REED, BECAUSE ONLY BAD THINGS CAN HAPPEN.
• In case you haven't noticed Reed plays a unique position in the NFL. It's called defensive Receiver and he is the only one qualified to play it. He stands in the middle of the field like a pit bull and dares anyone (that means the football) to come into his yard. He stares down QB'S and baits them into throwing his way. In case you haven't noticed he doesn't break on the ball until it has left the QB's hand. Outside of Peyton Manning no one studies film as much as Reed and it shows because his gambles are now more calculated. He was vulnerable to pump fakes and QB'S who would look off their intended targets. Now he locks in on QB'S and with that organized gang that he plays with bringing the heat he knows actually how long opposing teams have to get rid of the ball. Because of injuries he is no longer playing with reckless abandon and he is the perfect fit for the controlled chaos style that the Ravens play.
• I'm not afraid to say this , but I think Ed Reed is best overall Safety I have ever seen in my lifetime and I got to see Ronnie Lott throughout his whole career. His instincts for the ball are second to none and his return skills are amazing. He blocks punts, makes interceptions, applies big hits, and inspires a secondary full of dudes I can't name to play at a high level. Remember an All Pro corner by the name of shit what's his name, Chris something. Yeah Chris McCallister that's it. Because of Ed Reed's play the Ravens don't even miss McCallister and he is becoming almost as important to the team as Ray Lewis. That's some shit for your ass right there. I don't even wear jerseys right now, but I would rock an Ed Reed jersey quick and probably get jocked for it too. Ed Reed is Deon without the mouth and bright ass pin striped suits paying defensive receiver. I'm going to ask Mayor Sheila Dixon if we can rename Sunday Reeday. He inspires his team so much that when he picks off a pass they block and give him better protection than they do for Flacco. Tocaara's double g size Shirley from What's Happening Bra doesn't give her the protection that Reed gets. Cherish these moments Ed Reed fans, because guys like this don't come along to often.
• Enough of this love fest shit for Ed Reed the Low Down Is Next.
• I'M OUT LIKE NUMBER 55 FOR THE COLTS. SORRY BUB!

NFL LOW DOWN WEEK 17

• Another December another Cowboys loss what's new. If your not sure of the temperature outside check to see how the Cowboys played and it will let you know how you need to dress for the day. 12 years of this shit. This is some Baltimore Oriole shit going on here with the losing. Chan Gailey, Dave Campo, Barry Switzer, Bill Parcells, and Wade Phillips. One Big Ass Tuna and Four Dumb Ass Buffoons. Same results no playoff wins in 12 years.


• I'm not going to talk about X's and O's yet. I'm going to tackle the issue of heart and character. You either have it or you don't and you can't fake it, because it will show. Remember in Baby Boy when Jodie and his partner were beating down the fools that stole his ALAZE. They banged the shit out of everyone except for the last dude, because he didn't flinch when they went to hit him. All of his partners were on the ground crying and he knew he was going to get fucked up , but he stood tall because he had heart. It didn't stop his from getting his ass beat with a belt, but he earned points because he didn't back down because things weren't looking good for him. I look at this Cowboy team and I see know heart or character. Who the fuck is the emotional leader? This is football not the fucking debate team. Any organization lacking leadership is doomed to fail from the start. That mutherfucking bitchass Tony Romo was quoted as saying " It's not the end of the world. It's a sporting event. If this is the worst thing that's going to happen to me I have lived a good life". Man shut the fuck up. Even former Olympic figure skater Scott Hamilton called you a Bitch and said you need to grow a pair. Where is Troy Aikman when I need you?.When the so called leader of mine team sounds like an extra on Queer Eye For The Straight Guy you know there is a problem. No disrespect to Homo nation or whatever the fuck your calling yourselves now a days. If Peyton Manning had played the way Romo has played for the last month, he would have gave back his salary and issued an apology for his terrible play. This would never have happened to Tom Brady. This is the same mutherfucker that headbutts his lineman when they block for his ass. Hell with emotion like that I want to block for his ass too. Romo and that aw shucks, golly gee wilbur attitude with that shit eating grin on his face needs to become a leader and tell everyone on that team to shut the fuck up and play. The only person who argues with a Franchise QB is a misinformed bastard like T.O. who believes his needs are above the crews. Like Adrian told Rocky when he wanted to fight the Russian "YOU CAN'T WIN." No player on a team would dare go after his starting QB, because just like fucking the bosses daughter it can lead to early unemployment. Memo To Homo I Mean Romo: Study tapes of Manning and Brady not Eli and get tougher. Rent a copy of Boyz n the Hood and goddammitt grow some facial hair. Do whatever it takes to lead this team and hopefully you will earn yourself some street cred along the way.


• Did you see Derrick Mason against us last week. He knew how big the game was and no matter what he was not going to let a little thing like playing with one arm stop him. That's playing with heart, character and a sense of urgency. Derrick Mason leads by example and the Ravens Defense respects him emensely. There is no greater compliment that I can give a player than that.


• The definition of the word Character-The combination of qualities or features that distinguishes one person,group, or thing from another. The Cowboys have plenty of character, just not the type you would want on your football team when it has no real leadership. The Bulls won with Dennis Rodman , because Michael Jordan and Scottie Pippen kept his ass in line. Do whatever you want off the court( dress up like a bitch, fuck Carmen Electra, even wrestle for WCW), but don't fuck our money up on the court. Rodman knew where the power lied and he conformed. Where as in San Antonio a team with no real leader, but a bunch of good guys(David Robinson and Sean Elliot) he acted like a Buffoon and showed his ass off. That's how T.O. is with us. Because we have no leadership, he acts like a buffoon on and off the field and he gets away with it. Jerry Jones is like Spawn. He must have made a deal with the devil when the Boys won 3 Super Bowls in 4 years, because he signs every ass clown, Buffoon, murderer, jay walker, and malcontent he can get his hands on. T.O.,PACMAN JONES, AND TANK JOHNSON were sopped up like gravy with a biscuit as soon as they were out of work. Outside of Making It Rain 101, and How to Avoid Jail Time When You Committ a Felony what the fuck do Pacman and Tank Johnson bring to the table. What the fuck is Tank's real name? His mother didn't name him that shit. They bring nothing to that fragile ass lockeroom and I'm apalled at the lengths Jerry will go to try and win. That lockeroom is filled with overpaid mutherfuckers who are being led around by T.O. and can't think for themselves. There is nothing wrong with giving someone a second chance as long as there is a support system around them and they realize that they get no more chances.


• Right now the only players I would keep are Demarcus Ware, Barber, Jones, Chioce, Whitten,Creyton,Ratliff, James, Roy Williams(safety),N. Folk, McBriar. That's it. A LB, 3 RB'S,TE,WR,MLB,S,K, and P. Everyone else can go to Hell.


• Fire Wade Phillips and make him the defensive coordinator. Bring in Bill Cowher. Can you imagine if Flozell Adams jumped offside on 3rd and inches? Cowher would grab his facemask and let his ass have it and you know spit would be flying all in his face, because that's how Bill Talks. Then for the next five minutes he would have that growl on his face and Flozell wouldn't dare jump offsides again. This team needs discipline and leadership from their head coach and I know Bill Cowher is to intelligent to come here and coach for an owner that can't shut the fuck up. Also Jason Garrett should have taken the Ravens job, because he has been getting called out lately. T.O. and now Romo has questioned the gameplan and playcalling done by yourself. Funny I never here Big Ben calling out his offensive coordinator. Peyton never calls his coordinator out after a bad game neither, but then again he would be calling out himself. The bottom line is and this is the Damnest bottom line that I have ever bottomed line. Those who ignore their history are doomed to repeat it. T.O. and Romo are buddies with Jerry Jones and therfore they are above the crew. Remember the Steelers game when Choice and the D played their asses off and Romo sucked. Who got criticized? Remember the Ravens game same scenerio. Who got criticzed and who didn't? When Romo fucks up repeatedly and Jones says nothing about him. T.O. calls out everyone including the ball boy and doesn't get reprimanded for it. Look at Bellicheck wrong and that's your ass. Robert Craft New England Pat's owner doesn't call up Matt Cassell and say if Randy was giving more effort we would have won. Robert doesn't call Brady a bitch for not playing with his injury, but that's the type of ownership I have in Texas. A GODDAMN SHAME.


• Now onto the game. 44-6 in a game with your season on the line. Didn't the Deadskins hold the Eagles to 3 points last week in a similiar situation. Terrence Newman said the Cowboys are the most talented team in Football. See it's that type of over inflated dumbass thinking that has the Boys in trouble now. Just because you go to the Pro Bowl, doesn't mean your great. I talk to Bill Parcells this morning and I reminded him of something he said three years ago. He told the world be careful of annointing Romo as the next and he also warned us that there would be days like this. Romo has used up his benefit of the doubt collaterall with me after blaiming his turnovers on poor protection and a whack ass scheme. Not his inaccurate ass throwing. Did you see Benedict Reid leading the the Fans in singing the Eagles fight song.? Bradie James got into an altercation with a fan yesterday, because the fan had a sign that said Cowboys have no heart and Wade Phillpis is an embarrasement to the Star. First of all the fan was not lying. Second he should have went after the The Eagles and his teamates with that type of agression. We might have played better and looked like we gave a fuck. Tell Pacman just go out of bounds when 10 guys surround you on a punt, all the shucking and jiving in the world won't free you up stupid. 5 turnovers. Whatever happened to protecting the ball? One last thing what the fuck did we kick a field goal in the 4th quarter down 41 points for. Was it a momentum thing to get us back in the game. I know I would feel better if I was down by only 38 compared to 41.


• I heard Big Ben got fucked up and suffered a concussion. I know people at home are saying why can't that be Hines Ward.


• Indy Colts 12-4. Peyton Manning is my MVP. This is the only team capable of beating the Ravens. Could another Super Bowl be in their future. Don't bet against the real Manning, I wouldn't.


• I really wanted Brett to make the Playoffs and shove it in the Packers face. In a private moment he shared with me last night he said he made have thrown his last pass in the NFL. We have heard this from Brett before, but this time he seemed at peace with himself. Anyway the NFL will never be the same without the original Gun slinger from the Bay.


• From Worst to First. No one saw this shit coming. The Tuna is no joke. They called him a fool for getting rid of Jason Taylor. Second guessed him for his choice of head coaches and for getting limped armed Chad Pennington as his starting QB. 11-5 and a date with the Ravens is his gift for this suprised turn around. When asked about Ray Lewis The Tuna replied he would look awfully good running this D. Don't be suprised if the Dolphins go after Ray hard and make him an offer he can't refuse. What Hurricane can turn down playing in Miami for the right price? That's like Kanye West actually hitting a note. It's not going to happen.


• The Giants might actually repeat. Ain't that some shit and without Plaxico. With that D and a healthy Jacobs don't bet against it. If the dfensive coordinator for the Giants doesn't get any job offers in the offseason, I will be pissed. Get his ass away from them.


• If Brian Billick can get fired then so can John Grudden. 9-4 leading your division and then you loose 3 straight games and your D falls apart. Is anyone calling for his head. I guess that's what happens when you coach in Tampa Bay instead of New york, Dallas or Philly. What does Tampa do well anyway?


• As much as I admire McNabb. I hate Bennedict Reid and those Eagles. You will probably win, But I hope your team gets fucked up Rafiq.


• I am now officially rooting for the Ravens in the playoffs. Deal with it mutherfuckers. That D is without a doubt top notch and the offense is producing.


• Norv Turner and the Chargers have heart. 4-8 and you win 4 straight and make the playoffs after all that scrutiny. That's impressive. But what else would you expect from a Jimmy Johnson disciple. Except for the ring who has been the better QB Eli or Rivers. I know that's like saying except for her face who is better looking Hale Berry or Esther Rolle(FLORIDA EVANS FROM GOOD TIMES). I'm just saying Phillip Rivers put up some impressive numbers this year and unlike Eli he can actually carry his team. LT has not performed at all this year and his his best years are probably behind him.


• How do you go 11-5 not make the playoffs and do your best coaching job of your career coming off an undefeated season. Ask Bill Bellicheck the best coach in all of sports. That's right I said it. His team is always focused and prepared and they never make excuses. They loose argubly the best QB in the game and continue to play well. The Boys loose their QB for a few weeks and all hell breaks loose. When Cassell struggled no one said shit. Brad Johnson Struggled and his own coach was counting down the days until Romo came back. In Bellicheck system No one man is above the crew. AMEN


• I was exchanging text messages with Marshall Faulk when he let it slip that he wouldn't mind coaching the Rams. I told him to stick to his day job, but this is something that he has been thinking about for a while. Working with the NFL Network gives him access to film on everyone and much like Triple H he has become a student of the game. A modern day Cerebral Assassin so to speak. Don't count him out when the Rams begin thier pusuit for a headcoach, but word to the wise Kurt Warner and Isaac Bruce ain't there brother. Don't do it.


• Thank You Detroit for making history. 0-16 . The Greek Philospher Socrates once told me IT IS BETTER TO HAVE LOSS ALL OF YOUR GAMES THAN TO HAVE JUST LOSS ONE. Losing builds no character.


• You heard it hear first. There is a good chance that all four road wildcard teams will win this weekend. Atlanta,Baltimore, Philly and the Colts.


• The High Five or should I say The Elite Eight:


• 1)NY GIANTS 12-4 THE GMEN KNOW WHAT IT TAKES TO WIN IT ALL


• 2)TENNESSEE TITANS 13-3 CAN KERRY COLLINS LEAD THIS YOUNG BUT TALENTED BUNCH


• 3)INDY COLTS 12-4 PEYTON MANNING NUFF SAID


• 4)BALTIMORE RAVENS 11-5 WHEN KNOW THEY HAVE D BUT WHERE THE HELL DID THAT O COME FROM. THAT'S SOME SCARY SHIT


• 5)CAROLINA PANTHERS 11-5 CONSISTANTLY GOOD ON BOTH SIDES, BUT I DONT TRUST THE QB


• 6)PITTSBURGH STEELERS 12-4 HAVE TO GET THAT SWAGGER BACK. NO DOUBT THE TOWELS WILL BE OUT


• 7)ATLANTA FALCONS 11-5 ROOKIE QB AND I STILL LIKE THEM


• 8)MIAMI DOLPHINS 11-5 DO YOU BELIEVE IN THE TUNA


• Coach of the Year Tony Sporano


• MVP Peyton Manning


• Defensive Player of the Year Ed Reed


• Rookie of the Year Matt Ryan


• Offensive Player of the year Drew Brees


• Buffoon of the Week:


• Jason Richardson for leaving your man wide open for the game winning three to double Tony Parker who obviously didn't want to shoot. The look on the Daddy's Face after the game was over was priceless. The Daddy is Shaq to yall clueless mutherfuckers.


• The Real Buffoon is two time nominee and future Hall of Famer Jerry Jones. This mutherfucker had the audacity to say the coaching staff will remain intact and there will be know real changes. Hey Sam what do they put in the drinking water down there, because this mutherfucker is dillusional. Either he is in denial or he is smoking that pure 100% uncut Columbian shit. 9-7 and and that fucked Eagles squad makes the playoffs over you with probably half your payroll. Your a BUFFOON for having a brand new stadium that costs 1.5 billion dollars and putting that whack ass product out there to play in it. I guess your selling point will be come out and see the Cowboys it can't get any worse. or at least were not the Orioles. I know that's low. Send in your nominees for Buffoon of the week. I will let you have a say next week.

NFL LOW DOWN WEEK 16

• First let me start off by saying Happy Holidays and Merry Xmas to all of you and I hope the new year brings you peace and happiness. To those of you who are not Deadskins fans or Eagles fans I wish your teams the best of luck in the playoffs. Sorry Rafiq, but I hate yall motherfuckers. Especially Andy Benedict Reid. Deadskins fans well you know why I hate your fucking team, so deal with it.


• Now that I got the compliments out of my system on to some real shit the Low Down. By now we have all seen that debacle in which the Ravens embarrassed my Boys and officially shut down Texas Stadium. The effort the Cowboys gave was fucking embarrassing and someone should pay for this. Wasn't this game played in prime time, with Prime time himself calling the game. MICHAEL IRVIN,EMMITT SMITH,ROGER STAUBACH,TROY AIKMAN,MOOSE JOHNSTON,NATE NEWTON,RANDY WHITE,TOO TALL JONES,DREW PEARSON,JAMES WASHINGTON,JAY NOVECK,TONY DORSETT, and a host of others were there to celebrate and close out Texas Stadium right. Unfortunately Suger Ray, Ed Reed, and Terrell Suggs didn't get the script and they fucked up our homecoming of sorts. The D played well for 56 minutes and then they gave up the two biggest runs by visitors in Texas Stadium history. Memo to the D. If you want the respect that the Ravens get stop fucking jumping offsides every third down and make a play at the end when it counts. One more stop and we had a chance to win that game.


• I blame you Tony Romo for this loss and the season that could have been. I'm tired of defending your ass, because your making me look like Anonymous ,stupid as shit. I told my boy Brad Piff this a while ago. Tony Romo is in the early stages of becoming a crack head, but not in the way you are thinking. Have you ever seen a mother on crack raising a family? She has all the best intentions in the world and she actually loves her children, but she loves that glass dick too and that keeps her from being the best mom that she could possibly be. She says all the right things and promises to change her ways, but nothing changes and when you really need her you can't count on her. That's Tony Romo. Can you imagine Tom Brady,Peyton Manning,Jason Campbell, or Kyle Bowler admitting they weren't prepared and couldn't figure out what the Ravens were doing. (JASON CAMPBELL AND KYLE BOWLER THAT WAS A JOKE)That's what the leader of the Boy's said on National TV. What the fuck does he do all week? Play old 98 degrees Cd's and asked Jessica did Nick ever hit it like this. From a leader this is unforgivable and this why they say when December comes and the game is on the line Romo will fold up like a cheap suit. He over threw or under threw receivers all day and looked clueless while facing the number two ranked defense in football. Sound exactly like the way he played against the Steelers doesn't it. Sensing a pattern yet. Romo puts up nice numbers, but he is not a winner. Until he acts like a leader and plays well down the stretch in my book he will always be POOKIE to me. HAVING THE BEST INTENTIONS, BUT ALWAYS LETTING HIS TEAM DOWN. I can hear him now "Yo Romeo that shit be calling me man, It be calling me. G-MONEY saying"You high ! I ain't no fucking fool, you 5-0. Kill this motherfucker. Yo Romeo come get me!


• I have a couple of problems with Wade Phillips. Harbough had his team pumped and they pulled out all the stops including a fake field goal run and the most shocking thing a What you talking about Willis McGahee sighting. I thought the Ravens were the home team and we had already clinched home field advantage by the way we were playing. No emotion, No sense of urgency, No execution, that is on the head coach. Can you imagine a Jimmy Johnson led team playing that way? Hell no. Too many times this year this over paid team has underperformed and guess what Wade Phillips it's your fault. How many times are you going to allow Romo to be looking one way and the ball gets snapped and it's like ol shit he just hiked it to me. Or it's 3rd and 5 and Flozell has a false start and it becomes 3rd and 10. You get the picture. Wade you are supposed to set the tone for your team. Bellicheck wouldn't put up with this shit, but then again he has rings and you don't. To paraphrase Romo there is always next year. Wrong dumb ass Garrett is waiting to take your job and you are giving Jerry the ammo to fire your bitch ass.
• Jerry Jones what the fuck are you doing? You have an open door policy with your players. No wonder they do what they want to do. You allow that shit. You enable this I am above the crew attitude. This is how you divide a locker room. I think you love drama, because your the same motherfucker calling out The Barbarian and questioning his manhood. Let your coaches do their job and concentrate on business. What the fuck was Romo doing telling you he wasn't prepared for The Ravens game. He should be talking too Garrett or Phillips not you. Would you tell your ex girlfriend that your woman needs help sucking dick and then expect that shit too change. Hell no we call that Andy Reidism. Laying blame elsewhere instead of working the situation out properly. Memo to Jerry stay out of grown folks business and let your personnel do their jobs.


• Can anyone tell me why we signed Roy Williams? Next to Todd Heap he is the most expensive decoy in the league. 6'5-225 and we don't even throw him a jump ball. He could have made history and stayed in Detroit for all of this. BULLSHIT


• I have to apologize to Titans fans for doubting your team after that ass whupping your team gave the Steelers . I especially enjoyed Mr. White for dancing on the terrible towel. Payback is a bitch Omarr Epps ain't it.


• I guess the karma Gods are looking out for the Chargers. Beat the Broncos and the division is yours. After all the injuries and last second losses Norv may actually get to keep his job.
Fuck this up and I turn my back on you.

• Hey Lions Man down. Go out there and don't handle your business. Just remember don't change a thing continue playing uninspired ball.Turn down your intensity out there and don't have fun. I'm counting on you to do the wrong thing and just give up. GIMMIE 0-16.


• Hey Packer fans it could be worse you could still have Brett and be playing for the division title. Hope that Aaron Rogers thing works out for you guys.


• I said a couple of weeks ago I thought the Tampa Bay Bucs were most overrated team in the league and look at them now. One more loss and they are out of the playoffs. That's why you play to win the game. Losing to my Boys when Brad Johnson was the QB, should have cost you your job. If you don't make the playoffs think about that shit all offseason. That shit could lead to drinking or smoking that stuff . Be careful Gruden.


• Once again Joe Flacco and Matt Ryan look they were bred to play QB. Drug test these motherfuckers please they can't be rookies.


• Peyton is my pick for MVP. His team is 11-4 and no one talks about them. That's the ultimate sign of respect. That type of record is expected of the Colts and that's because of Peyton. Peyton called me the other day and apologized for cancelling our interview segment. Tony Dungy gave them two days off, but he needed to study film of the seniors that are coming out in the draft to prepare for them next year. He also planned on looking at every single throw he has made this year so that he can see if he gives away the fact that he is throwing the ball because of his arm actually moving forward and the ball leaving it.


• Never knew Brandon Jacobs was the end all, but the Giants have no mojo without him. They are going to be tough to beat with home field advantage, but someone will. I can't have these motherfuckers repeating at any costs. Someone do my bidding for me. Remember Eli you are no Archie and you damn sure are not Peyton. By the way what is Plaxico doing while he is on vacation. Probably asking PacMan what does a black man with money, fame, and fortune do right after getting in trouble with the law. MAKE IT RAIN BABY!
• Do you think Brett Favre has been a success in New York? I do he single handily made Jets Ball relevant again. Without him THE MANGENIUS Eric Mangini would have been criticized all year and blamed for the Jets failures. He improved one franchise and destroyed another one.
• Memo to Romo stop impersonating Brett. As goods as Brett is he only got one ring, because he was a little too reckless. You have too many weapons to be fucking my money up all the time.
• Herm Edwards just resign and go into broadcasting, because it is going to end ugly. If not for the Lions we would be talking about your asses. By the way here is a trivia question. For a million dollars and you have one minute: Name the Chiefs starting QB,HB, AND THEIR TWO WR'S!
• Sources tell me the Browns are looking at dumping Phil Savage and Romeo Cremell for Bill Cowher if he wants total control. I texted Bill this morning and he said he has never been happier. He has enjoyed the time he gets to spend with his family and it has to be the perfect situation for him to return to the sidelines. I don't think he really wants to coach against the Steelers twice a year, because he really respects the Rooney family.
• Look for the Niners to keep Mike Singletary as head coach for at least another season. He has brought back respect and dignity to the 49ers organization and a formal announcement could come as soon as the season is over.
• Where will Matt Cassell end up next year? While in Boston attending a New Kids On The Block concert I bumped into him and asked him about his future. He wants to return to the Pats , but his stock will never be any higher than it is right now. Did you know that he backed up Carson Palmer and Matt Leinhert at USC and that he never started a single game in college. He credits Pete Carroll for his maturation and for helping him prepare every week as if he was the starter. He said it is a joy backing up Brady, but when he saw the contact Teixeira signed with the Yankees he started daydreaming about what it would be like to be a full time starting QB in the NFL. I wished him the best and he promised to call me when he finally makes his decision.
• Buffoon of The Week:
• All you dumb ass motherfuckers who actually believed we had a shot at signing Mark Teixeira. As long as the Yankees exist no player is exempt from signing with them. This just in the Yankees have offered Lebron James 500 million dollars just because they can. Mark Teixeira and his agent played you all and you let them. He said he wanted to come home and you believed him. That just drove the price up and he used the Orioles as leverage. He never wanted to come to Baltimore. Would you? Let's see AROD,JETER,GIAMBI,PESADA,C.C, and the Orioles counter with you know The Wire was filmed here right. Why won't you come here and save us from two decades of losing and put asses in the seats. That's only like asking you to walk on water, or find a cure for aids. For that reason and that reason alone you are all buffoons.
• The High Five:
• 1)TENNESSEE TITANS 13-2: Showed the world why they shouldn't be slept on.
• 2)NY GIANTS 12-3: Road to the Super Bowl goes through The Meadow lands
• 3)INDY COLTS 11-4: Battle tested and time proven. Like a Duracell battery.
• 4)PITTSBURGH STEELERS 11-4: Is luck running out on the Steelers
• 5) CAROLINA PANTHERS 11-4: One more loss and you are a 5th seed
• GAME BALLS: P. MANNING, D. BREES, C. PENNINGTON, C. BENSON, M. CASSELL, P. RIVERS, C. WARD, W. MCGAHEE, L. MCCLAIN
• Don't blame Donavan for that loss to the Dead skins. His receivers dropped passes all day and he deserved a better outcome. Get out of Philly while you can. You say you want to come back. Your like a Battered house wife that is afraid to leave her husband. She has beaten on for so long she doesn't feel like she deserves better. That's you Donovan they blame you for everything and they want you out. Leave and never come back.
• I'M OUT LIKE EVERY TEAM NOT NAMED THE YANKEES!