NFL LOW DOWN WEEK 18

Let me start off this week of the Low Down, by telling you I experienced something down in Miami that totally blew me away while I was covering the Ravens/Dolphins game. And no I'm not talking about all that scattered ass that was there for the taking either.

• When I'm out covering games I'm normally surrounded by the local media and the visiting teams local beat writers. Because this was a playoff game and it was nationally televised there was a lot more media coverage and there was a big buzz hanging over DOLPHIN STADIUM LOCATED ON DAN MARINO BLVD. This mutherfucker has a street named after him and he never won shit. Miami loves that sum bitch and Jimmy Johnson don't have know candy bar or not even a goodamn poster of himself put up anywhere and he won national championships.
• Well anyway were sitting up in our VIP SUITES me ,Chris Mortenson, Jay Glazier, and Rodney Harrison. Yeah that Rodney Harrison of New England Patriot fame and we are all covering the game. Rodney is there on behalf of the NFL NETWORK and he said he is hoping to get into broadcast TV.
• Well the game starts and we are exchanging notes and observations when all of a sudden I hear "yeah get that mutherfucker Suggs! That's what the fuck I'm talking about. Punk Ass Bitch. They Don't want none. I do a double take, because I swear That's Brad Piff talking or Rodney must be smoking that ooohhh weeee. I'm thinking one he is not a Raven he is a Patriot and two he is covering this game ,he is supposed to be unbiased. That dick riding got me to believing that no matter how old you are or no matter how much money you have anyone and I mean anyone is capable of dick riding and there is nothing you can do about. He was giddy like a prostitute with a fresh bag of dicks and there was no calming him down.
• When I asked where is this shit coming from. He told me Romeo and I said that's Mr. Igromo to you. Excuse me Mr. Igromo I'm a fan of smash mouth defense and the Ravens personify that shit. They are a beauty to behold and they make me want to strap up right now and hit someone when they are not looking because just like Hines Ward you know That's what I do. He went on to say that this is some Avon Barksdale, Stringer Bell shit going on and that he would love to be The Omarr of that crew. I'm like damn Rodney you coming out the closet or some shit. You want to be a HOMO THUG. No nothing like that I want to be a Raven. So there you have it Dick Riding at the highest level by a grown ass man still employed by the Patriots. Even Kim Kardashian can't dick ride that good!
• Now back to the game. I lean over and I tell Chris is it just me or are the Dolphins intimidated. They look like scared Bitches out there. Chris replied not a tuna led team. No way No how. I'm watching the game and my cell rings. It's Piff and he said did you see that shit. Ray didn't just tackle Ricky Williams, He mushed his ass into the ground with a forearm and told him to stay down Bitch you don't want none. I'm like damn this is some school bully shit. The RAVENS are not only skilled and well prepared, but they are out to hurt and disfigure mutherfuckers.
• After the game we all came to one conclusion This Ravens team is for real and that Ravens Titans is going to be a slobberknocker.
• On to a more important topic How in the hell did Ed Reed or Demarcus Ware not win Defensive Player of the Year. Even Joey could have won and I would have understood. James Harrison is not even the best player on his own team that goes to Troy Polamalu. I don't want to hear that shit about the Steeler D being number 1 either because Bob Sanders won the Defensive Player of the Year and the Colts D have never even been top 10. Give me a fucking break. The Saints had the number #1 offense in the NFL and I don't see Drew Brees holding up the MVP TROPHY. The media puts whatever type of spin on shit when they see fit. Defensive Player of the Year ED REED.
• I was having a conversation with a good friend mind from the Indianapolis Star and I asked him why does he and the rest of America give Peyton and Dungy the benefit of the doubt every time they loose. Peyton has one ring. That's one more than Tony Romo and myself and I don't even fucking play. I have never heard one bad thing said about Peyton or Dungy when they loose. It's like just go get them next year. Why is that because they are good guys. Put that team in Dallas and they would be calling for some changes at the top. I think the media is afraid of loosing access to Peyton so they don't call him an underachiever or criticize Dungy for being soft with his team. I like Dungy as a person, but we are talking about winning football games, not parenting or how to be a good human being. There is no excuse for the MVP going out in the first round that's bullshit. Then again this is the NFL where they want to protect the Golden Boy image of Peyton and that means no criticism of his on field play, but he is our cover boy. Shouldn't that be Tom Brady or Ray Lewis or Ed Reed. Can't do that because Tom dates Supermodels and wins Super Bowls and Ed Reed and Ray just happen to be the best defenders in the game. Think about that when look at the games this week and see a Peyton Manning commercial.
• Speaking of Peyton I want to talk about that bullshit called Sudden Death. I think each team should get the ball at least once in OT and and if the games is stilled tied after that whoever scores first wins. Playoff games let alone regular season games should not be decided with a coin flip, but by the actual play of the teams involved.
• Hey Jerry Marty is still out there. I know he would bring discipline to the Boys and a winning attitude. I'm talking about Schottenheimer the man who went 14-2 and was fired by the Chargers because his field goal kicker is not clutch. With that type of thinking Dungy and Bobby Bowden should both be out of work.
• That footage of Pacman Jones at that strip club confirms everything I already knew. That this mutherfucker is crazy. Granted that police officer should not have asked his girlfriend for a lap dance, but damn he apologized and Pacman still wanted to kill his ass. Pacman threatened to kill everyone in the club, because he could and he didn't give a fuck. Hope you saved your money Pacman, because no one is ever going to touch your ass again except for a stripper. Make it Rain mutherfucker. Make it Rain.
• Donovan McNabb and the Eagles think they are this years version of the Giants. It's a damn shame you both couldn't loose, because I hate both teams.Once again it's going to come down to QB play. Eli (THE MANNING IN NAME ONLY) or McNabb the sometimes Chosen one. Hard to call.
• No one is talking about The Panthers/Cardinals game. The only shot the Cardinals have is if Bouldin plays and they slow down the Panthers running game. Triple Team Steve Smith as soon as he get's off the team bus. No forget that cover his ass starting tonight. I don't believe in Jake Delhome so you do have a punchers chance.
• I hope the Steelers do what the Colts did and sleep on Darren Sproles. He is a difference maker and I wouldn't let LT. No fuck that he hasn't earned the right to have initials. LaDainian Tomlison should not even touch the ball unless he is 100% going up against the Steelers. Both teams play good defense. The crowd and the field will play a big role in the outcome. Chargers take care of the ball and you can win in Pittsburgh. The Steelers have no line and Big Ben is prone to interceptions. Much like the Ravens the Steelers live and die with the Defense creating scoring opportunities. Philip play smart. There is nothing wrong with three and out. Do my bidding and take out Omar Epps and the Steel Drapery I mean curtain.
• My sources in Detroit tell me that the Head Coaching job is Jason Garrett's if he wants it. Jason take that shit. That's the best gig out there. Look at the upside. Two wins and that is a 200% improvement. You can only look good in this situation and you will get all of the credit. I know the Lions are buffoons, but it's better than being Jerry's Bitch. Grow some balls and take that shit.
• I ran into Brett Favre at the Old Country Buffet in Louisiana and he told me he was upset about the comments a certain RB made in the media about him. Brett told me that other than handing off to him that he never even knew his name or his number. Brett said how dare this guy bad mouth him to the media what has he ever done. I told Brett his name was Thomas Jones and that he is Julius Jones' s brothers. Brett said who Star Jones. I said no Thomas Jones. Brett said it doesn't matter because he doesn't have a street named after him or a sandwich and that when it comes down to it 99.9% of the team has his back. He also said he wanted to talk to Jermaine Dupri and Arsenio Hall two of his best friends before making a decision about whether or not to retire. After eating some Possum pie and raccoon pudding we said our goodbyes and Brett invited me to go Coon hunting next month. I said what the fuck you just say. He said coon hunting that's what the good ol boys call bears down there. I told him okay hopped in my paddle boat and left.
• THE ELITE EIGHT
• 1)NY GIANTS - THEY HAVE THE SWAGGER
• 2)TENNESSEE TITANS - OUT TO PROVE SOMETHING
• 3)BALTIMORE RAVENS - DEFENSE IS ON A MISSION
• 4)CAROLINA PANTHERS - JAKE DELHOME?
• 5)PITTSBURGH STEELERS - LUCK MAY RUN OUT
• 6)PHILADELPHIA EAGLES - PLAYING INSPIRED BALL
• 7)SAN DIEGO CHARGERS - THE SUPER CHARGERS BELIEVE
• 8)ARIZONA CARDINALS - THEY HAVE KNOW IDEA WHAT PRESSURE FEELS LIKE. MORE PLAYOFF WINS THAN MY BOYS THIS DECADE
• BUFFOON OF THE WEEK: CHARLES I NEED ANOTHER BLOW JOB BARKLEY! What the fuck is his problem? He was drunk, but he was sober enough to spot that ass and remember that head that he got. Charles is as big a buffoon as Pacman Jones without the body count. You want me to list his rap sheet. He spit on a girl at a game, because he was getting heckled. H e threw a mutherfucker through a plate glass window at a bar because the person threw a drink in his face. That's some Clint Eastwood (DIRTY HARRY)shit right there throwing a mutherfucker through a window. GODAMN. He has a gambling problem and forgets to pay what he owes. Because he is Charles Barkley he gets away with this shit. He needs to be fired by TNT and serve some time along with OJ. If that was me and you we would still be locked up crying for someone to come and get us. Charles got arrested took some pictures , signed some autographs, and thanked the cops for their time. What the fuck? Is this mutherfucker delusional. They should have tazered his ass. You drink and drive, your married and you admit to getting head, and thank the cops for arresting you. Let me get some of that shit your snorting, because republicans don't smoke crack only democrats do. So that I too can get arrested and look at world like I am a better man for that shit. This mutherfucker acts like he was sitting in on a protest for civil rights when he was arrested falsely and then let go. This type of behavior should not be tolerated and Pacman Jones said meet him at Players Club next Sunaday he knows where you can get some banging ass head from. I'm done.
• I'm like Paman Jones. Did you see that shit he was wearing in the beginning of the Blog. What the fuck is all I can say?