NFL LOW DOWN WEEK 14

• "FUCK YOU, FUCK THEM, AND FUCK EVERYBODY THAT GOT A PROBLEM WITH MIKE LOWERY". I meant Tony Romo, but you get the message. I was having a Bad Boys flash back. Another December another late sesaon loss for the Cowboys in a game that meant everything to them. Two years ago we loose to the Seahawks in the opening round of the playoffs. Last year we loose to the Giants in the opening round of the playoffs. Then on Sunday with the season on the line we loose to the Steelers. You know what those games all have in common. They all ended with Romo fucking up.(mishandling a fieldgoal snap,and two interceptions is how those games ended) I'm getting sick and tired of this shit. Romo with the game on the line is about as clutch as A-ROD's playoff performances with the Yankees. 13 to motherfucking 3 going into the 4th quarter and you loose. The defense played great(that goaline stance was awesome) and handled their business all day. I will point no fingers at them, but Romo and those high priced bastards on offense did nothing all day. Romo look like Brad Johnson on Sunday. On that last interception Jason Whitten said it was his fault, because he slipped and ran the wrong route. Two things Jason, Great teamates take the blame for mistakes. Great players don't make those mistakes. The second thing is unless Whitten increased his vertical by 40 inches or all of a sudden grew 8 inches he was not catching that ball. The funny thing is all of Romo's picks look the same. He hit all of the Steelers defensive backs right between the numbers and right on stride. He was more accurate on passes to them than he was to his own teamates. Fuck you and the horse you rode in on Tony. I don't want your apology Romo, start winning Bitch. It is up to you to show America that Jessica Simpson is not a distraction and that Jerry Jones was correct in paying you all that money. The difference between Big Ben and you is that Super Bowl ring he has and the trust that he won't fuck up in crunch time. Your stats were the same except for your turnovers. He got sacked five times and harrased all day and he still found a way to not turn the ball over. Big Ben clutch. Romo a tease.Trusting Tony Romo to come through in the 4th quarter is like Gilligan, the Skipper, and Marry Ann expecting to get off that goddamn god forsaken island.Know matter who visited or ended up on that island you knew that for some reason they weren't going anywhere. Romo with the game on the line is like R.Kelly around 16 year olds, it's like Michael Jackson hosting a sleepover or Bobby Brown getting back with New Edition,the intentions are good, but you know it can only end up badly. One more thing I told you nothing positive can come from having that Bitch Ass PACMAN JONES on your team. Call it Karma call it what you want, but having a world class buffoon on your team can't be good.
• The Ravens fucked up the Deadskins with a ferocious D and timely offensive play. The more physical team one. The Ravens Defense set the tone early and the Offense finished them off. Rogers should have did a McAllister and held Mason so he would not have scored after being burned so badly. I have to disagree with Bradd Piff about comparing Ed Reed to PrimeTime.(Deon Sanders) I think Ed Reed is the first Ed Reed not a Deon clone. But if you want to compare players I think Ed Reed is more like Rod Woodson. Both were ball hogs, who occassionly get burned. Plus both of those guys were more physical than PrimeTime ever was. Deon took away a whole side of the field and he went games without seeing any action. I don't think we will ever see a corner with that type of impact on a game.
• I think not having Plaxico is going to hurt the Giants. The Eagles played physical coverage on the wideouts and stacked the box. Plaxico commands a double and frees up running lanes for their running game. It will be real interesting to see how they are going to do in the next couple of games without him. Sources tell me Brandon Jacobs may also be out of next weeks game against the Cowboys. Take it from me injuries and distractions can fuck a team up. If any team can deal with losses the Giants are one of them. Time to step it up Eli.
• The Eagles played well, Bitch Ass Andy Reid actually called running plays and Donovan played smart. When these things happen the Eagles are tough to beat. I still don't trust that bitch ass Andy Reid. Wait until the Eagles loose again he will abandon Donovan quicker than Starscream did Megatron.
• The Miami Dolphins are a perfect example of the any given sunday syndrome. Experts pick them to finish last and laughed when the Tuna chose ex Cowboy offensive line coach Tony Sparano not Soprano mutherfuckers as his head coach. Tuna called Jason Taylor a bitch for being on Dancing With the Stars and not practicing with his team. Then shipped his ass to the Deadskins for a sub and a bag of chips. Remember the Dolphins were last years version of the Lions bad and unwatchable. The Dolphins are 8-5 and tied for first with the Jets and the Pats and threatening to not only make the playoffs , but host a playoff game. I talked to former Cowboy TE Anthony Fasano this morning and he told me that it starts with practice and attention to detail. Fasano emphasized the four minute offense and not giving the ball back to the defense. The coaches preach for every player to win the little battle that will win games. The Dolphins are not the most talented team , but they play together and believe in their system. Fasano also told me that Chad Peninngton who they picked up from the unemployment line has been the ultimate leader and the model of effiency. We voted him team captain after he was here for a few weeks and that is all you need to know. Tyler Perry couldn't have written better shit than this worst to first shit.
• The Panthers exposed the Bucs and man handled them Monday night. They ran for over 300 yards and somewhere you know Jerome Bettis,Earl Campbell, and John Riggins are smiling. That's old fashion John Madden smash mouth 3 yards and a cloud of dust football. With that D , a running game, and Steve Smith only Jake Delhome can fuck this up. After the Game a bitch ass Jeff Garcia told me as long as Jake doen't turn the ball over and they play like this they can beat anyone. The Panthers look like they are poised for a long playoff run.
• Omarr Epps and the Steelers did it again. I will give credit where credit is due, but I didn't appreciate the chest bump Big Ben and Omarr Epps gave each other after that interception. You bitches will get payback one day.
• Memo to the Detroit Lions lay down and loose out. I want to see you guys go 0-16. If at first you don't suceed just stop trying. It is better to have never tried than to have ever tried at all. Everyone loves a looser. Last but not least don't go out there and give it all you got. Post that shit on your locker and use it as inspiration.
• In two weeks the Jets went from contenders to pretenders. I tried to annoint them as the Chosen One. In the famous words of Mario Van Peebles I gambled on a crack head and loss.(New Jack City)
• I hope Wade Phillips has a resume on CareerBuilder.com, because when the season is over he will be unemployed.
• Can someone do some DNA testing on Matt Ryan and Joe Flacco. They are not rookies. Rookies are supposed to fuck up and cost their teams games not lead them to victory. If the voting for rookie of the year ended today they would finish one two.
• Don't look now, but the Pats just wont go away. They loose players and always manage to find replacements. Teddy Bruschi is out for the year and long time Patriot Junior Seau is back. Wasn't this mutherfucker a Charger for the better part of his carrer. When Shawne Merriman got hurt he didn't return to the Chargers. Does Bellicheck have pictures of Junior walking in the gay pride parade or something. That was probabaly him dancing with Joey Porter and Plaxico Burress Shirtless in the club. Whatever the reason just like Season 25 of the Simpsons Junior is back.
• Oh Shit the Cardinals won their division. A Black President, The Ravens have an offense, Britney is back, OJ is in jail. What's next I know The Orioles win the pennant. Can't a brother dream.
• My sources within the Chargers camp told me that the players secretly miss Marty Shottenheimer and that this is no knock on Norv Turner. Ok mutherfucker. Try Telling your wife that your ex girlfriend knew how how to fuck a lot better and that her dick sucking skills were exquisiute, but this is no knock on you and see what her response is. After you wake up from the frying pan beating that your ass is going to receive your going to wish you could take that comment back. Moral of the story that is a knock on Norv Turner.
• THE HIGH FIVE
• 1)TENNESSEE TITANS 12-1 Two blowouts in the past two games. that's enough to make you number 1
• 2)PITTSBURGH STEELERS 10-3 It is better to be lucky than good
• 3) NY GIANTS 11-2 If any team can bounce back from a loss they will
• 4)CAROLINA PANTHERS 10-3 They have incentive to run the table for a possible #1 seed
• 5)INDY COLTS 9-4 I see them 11-4 after the next two weeks
• GAME BALLS-Matt Schaub,Michael Westbrook,Shaun Hill,DeAngelo Williams, and Antronio Byrant
• MVP:KURT WARNER
• You have waited long enough BUFFOON OF THE WEEK: Jerry Jones Cowboys owner
• You never learn. You have to keep running your mutherfucking mouth. You ran off three legendary coaches and now your talking about a player and his questioning his toughness. You were quoted as saying Marion Barber should have played Sunday despite a dislocated toe and a calf injury. To call Marion the Barbarian soft is like saying Pamela Anderson's breasts are ok , but I prefer more natural breasts like cousin Pam from the Cosby show. You know that shit makes no sense. Instead of critcising Tony Romo and that overpaid offense for it's lack of productivity. He picks on the toughest guy on the team. Asks anyone around the league about who they think is a true warrior and I guarantee you they will say Marion Barber.Even though he has no idea how to draft players this doesn't stop him from doing it. If my wife's appenix is giving her problems. I'm not going to scrub my hands put a mask on and start operating like I'm Doogie Howser. I will leave that to the exprerts. Jerry Jones probably helps out with the gameplan every week which would account for our demise. Do you know the owner of the Giants, how bout the Steelers, the Titans. No you don't because they let football people make football decisions that effect football games. I know you know Al Davis, George Steinberner and Peter Angelos. THREE OF THE BIGGEST BUFFOONS WALIKNG THE PLANET. Jerry Jones would rather loose his way than win somebody elses way. ASS BACKWARDS. He is the man that hangs on to PACMAN JONES after he gets in a fight with the Top flight Security Guards named Craig and DAY DAY that he hired to keep him out of trouble. With his team on a 3 game winning streak and the defense playing better than ever you bring back a Buffoon that could cause a distraction and add nothing to the team. Because of this move you too are a Buffoon Jerry Jones. There are a lot of guys up for parole that can't wait to become Cowboys, because word in the joint is we are looking for some untapped talent.