NFL LOW DOWN WEEK 2

Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't this how we closed down Texas Stadium. Jerry Jones threw a big ass party, invited everyone,talked about plans for his new stadium, and oh yeah the party crashers the Ravens beat the Boys and talked shit to us while the lights were turned off on Texas Stadium. If you be quiet for a second you can still here Sugar Ray saying close this motherfucker down. Fast forward to Sunday night and it was deja vu. A brand new beautiful stadium, guests ranging from President Bush to Lebron James,Dallas Cowboy's alum attending,Jerry Jones sitting back with that shit eating grin on his face and oh yeah the party crashers the Giants beat the Boys and talked shit to us in our house in front of America. Shit like this is not supposed to happen. I blame two mutherfuckers and I hold them directly responsible for these ungodly acts of betrayal and utter BUFFONARY. Jimmy Johnson and Troy Aikman where have you gone your legacy deserves better.

• UPON FURTHER REVIEW:
• Upon further review the impact of the loss of Plaxico Burress and Armani Toomer to the Giants has been greatly exagerrated. Mario Manningham and the Real Steve Smith looked like Lynn Swann and John Stallworth Sunday night against that Cowboy secondary. Until Sunday night I never knew that a wide receiver could break the ankles of a defender, but that move that the Real Steve Smith put on Scandrick made Scandrick's daughter visably upset and unable to attend school the next day. Their route running was so precise Eli look like he had a GPS tacking device in the football and they all just happen to arrive at the same place at the same time. I admit that shit was beautiful to watch and I don't even give a fuck about Eli Manning or the NY GIANTS.
• Upon further review Rex Ryan and the Jets showed us that it is okay to tug on Superman's cape, spit into the wind, wear Reebok classics and talk shit to Bill Bellicheck, Tom Brady and the rest of the Pats. Somewhere I know Buddy is proud.
• Upon further review Eli Manning is elite and is a TOP 5 QB. That's right I said it mutherfucker. The QB position is about wins and losses and leadership not fantasy numbers and right now he is handling his business as well as anybody in the league.
• Upon further review the DEADSKINS are worse than I thought. 3field goals at home against that feared Rams defense. You do the math on that shit.
• Upon further review if you are not Ronnie Brown and the Miami Dolphins stop running the Wildcat offense.
• Upon further review Tony Romo is average and he has hit his ceiling as far as how good he is going to get. The Cowboys have surrounded him with a monster line, 3 running backs, the best tight end in football and a very good receiving core yet he still makes the same mistakes over and over again and he shows no signs of improvement. You know the saying that you can't turn a hoe into a housewife. Well you can't turn a buffoon into a productive big game winning QB.
• UNSPORTSMANLIKE CONDUCT:
• Tony Romo and Wade Phillips never have and never will be Leaders on the Dallas Cowboys. That loss the other night to the Giants was a direct result of that ah shucks let's go get em next time mentallity.Can you imagine Tony Romo throwing three interceptions like he did against the Giants and just being allowed to go sit on the bench with his head down while Jimmy Johnson or Bill Parcells was coaching this team. Hell no. After the first pick they would have stared his ass down and told him to get his fucking head in the game. After Peyton or Brady make mistakes they throw their helmets in disgust and go look at pictures of what just happened. Not sit on the bench looking stupid as shit like you just lost your best friend. Wade Phillips watched Romo make mistake after mistake and did nothing about it. The defenition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. The Cowboys are dillusional if they think Romo and Phillips are going to win just because they say they have changed. You tell me what the fuck has changed other than the fact that TO isn't there. After that third pick I would have switched QB's and sent a message to my team that I want to win at all costs. Jason Garrett should have ran the ball the rest of the game and abandon the passing game since Romo had a problem hooking up with anyone in a white jersey.. Tony Romo said afterward he is sorry he let Jerry and the team down. Look Bitch stop fucking aplogizing and try working harder. Instead of working on your bump and grind with Jessica everynight you should have been working on your bump and run with Roy Williams. Wade Phillips took over the defense for what. Did you see how bad that secondary looked trying to cover receivers? I know this we look real good at tackling a mutherfucker after they gain first downs. We have mastserd the art of playing ten yards off the line of scrimmage and running up to make a play. Terrance Newman is so far back off the wide receiver I swear he bumped into me in my living room while backpedaling on defense Sunday night. Hey Wade how many times are you going to watch mutherfucking Flozell Adams committ penalties that cost us. He is so lazy now its not just holding or jumping offsides like regular mutherfuckers do. He is now tripping and leg whipping motherfuckers and not giving a fuck. What's next drive by's and shanking mutherfuckers. To top this shit off was that Wade Phillips closing his eyes and crossing his fingers in hope that the Giants were going to miss that last second field goal. Maybe if he clicked his heels together and said there is no owner like Jones three times THE WIZARD would have gave him some heart,some courage and a brain. I guess things could always be worse. We could have Jason Campbell as our Qb and Jim Zorn as our headcoach. Thank you Jesus.
• STOCK UP STOCK DOWN:
• STOCK UP:Steve Smith 1oREC 134 YDS AND 1 TD. HE is the real Steve Smith
• STOCK UP:Mario Manningham 10REC 150 YDS AND 1 TD. Two good weeks in a row.
• STOCK UP:Marion Barber 18ATT 124YDS AND 1 TD. The Barbarion ran at will
• STOCK UP:Drew Brees 25/34 311YDS AND 3TDs. Little ass Dan Marino
• STOCK UP:Darrelle Revis has shut down Randy Moss and Andre Johnson back to back
• STOCK UP:New York Jets Defense 16PTS in two games.
• STOCK UP:Chris Johnson 284 YDS 3TDS. The real deal.
• STOCK UP:Frank Gore 207YDS RUSHING 2TDs
• STOCK UP:Ray Lewis 10 tackles including the game winner. Gets better with age.
• STOCK UP:Mike Singletary 2-0. Nuff said
• STOCK UP:Rex Ryan 2-0. What's next. I heard he issued an opened challenge next week.
• STOCK UP:Denver Broncos 2-0. I don't even know what they are doing to win.
• STOCK DOWN:Tony Romo 3INTs. Comes up small in big games
• STOCK DOWN:ANDY REID 51 PASS ATT. Run the ball man
• STOCK DOWN:Terrance Newman. Burned at nauseium
• STOCK DOWN:Jeff Fisher 0-2. Lost only 3 games last year.
• STOCK DOWN:Brady Quinn 0-2. What is up with that Notre Dame pedigree
• STOCK DOWN:Jack Del Rio 0-2. I guess Leftwich wasn't the problem afterall.

WHAT I LEARNED IN WEEK 2:

• Other than Wade Phillips defensive coordinators make excellent head coaches.
• Next to Big Ben, Troy Polamalu is Pittsburgh's MVP.
• CORNERBACK play and SAFETY play are poor in the NFL
• The Ravens defense is playing on cruise control, because they have an offense now.
• Mark Sanchez is better than Pete Carrol thinks. Hey Pete can you tell the world in your next press conference that I'm not ready to be a millionare so that I can become one.
• Lovie Smith you better establish a running game to go along with Jay Cutler, because your offense is not that good.
• There is no clear cut favorite to win the Super Bowl.
• Peyton Manning just wins football games.
• Eli is following in his brother's footsteps.
• Joe Flacco is legit and he is getting better each week. Who needs elite receivers?
• No wonder Phillip Rivers is so good. He is throwing to small forwards with speed.
• The Jets and the 49ers are well coached and the Cowboys are not.
• If dick riding the Pats mean that they play bad each week, America please keep it up.
• THE HIGH FIVE
• 1)BALTIMORE RAVENS 2-0. Ray wont allow them to have a letdown.
• 2)NY GIANTS 2-0. Two division wins are huge.
• 3)INDIANAPOLIS COLTS 2-0. Never bet against Manning.
• 4)MINNESOTA VIKINGS 2-0. Let's see them against better competetion
• 5)ATLANTA FALCONS 2-0. No sophmore jinx for Matt Ryan
• FANTASY PLAYER OF THGE WEEK:
• CHRIS JOHNSON RB TITANS:284 TOTAL YDS 3 TDs.9CATCHES FOR 87 YDS AND 1 TD.197 YARDS RUSHING 2TDs
• OUT OF BOUNDS:
• Former Dallas Cowboy running back Herschel Walker is starting a new career in mixed martial arts. He is also 47 years old. Is he out of his fucking mind. That sport is like legalized pitbull fighting. You put two men in a cage and the toughest mutherfucker comes out of it the winner. I hope he has no immediate family because this will not end well. Can you imagine Walker vs Brock Lesnar. Herschel would come out looking like Wile E. Coyotte after one of those ACME bombs exploded on him during an encounter with the Roadrunner. My only explanation is he must need the money. I would rather train mountain lions or be a bungee jump crash test dummy than fuck with the MMA. Good luck Herschel because you are going to need it.
• BUFFOON OF THE WEEK:
• How in the hell can you be a Division I program playing in the ACC and loose to Middle Tennessee at home. Not Tennessee, not the front of Tennessee or the back of Tennesee. Middle Tennessee for crying out loud. Ralph Friedgen AKA THE FRIDGE has some explaining to do. This shit might be acceptable to Mt. Saint Mary's school of the blind, but this is Maryland. What is Boomer Esiason and Shawn Merrimon thinking right now? Who do we loose to next? RED CROSS UNIVERSITY, BOYS SCOUT TECH, or worse yet THE RED BERRIES OF CAPN CRUCNH ST. It is becoming harder and harder to rep Md. with losses like this. The only thing I can hold onto is the Women's basketball team handling their business. You can run the table and it won't mean a damn thing, because the season is already soiled like a used condom. For that THE FRIDGE IS BUFFOON OF THE WEEK.
• I'm out like the Orioles pride and their will to win.
• PS: TO STOP TWITTERING ME. NO I CAN'T GET YOU BACK ON THE COWBOYS NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU CRY. I JUST WRITE BLOGS I'M NOT GOD.

H

• upon