NFL LOW DOWN WEEK 1

I want to start off this edition of the NFL LOW DOWN by saying that I have been waiting all summer for some football. It's just something about the anticipation of the opening kickoff that gets your adrenaline pumping. With that being said when you are a fan of the Orioles you will get excited over the season premier of AM I SMARTER THAN A 5TH GRADER. You know what makes the NFL so special is that for one week every team in the NFL believes they can go to the SUPER BOWL. You have Lions fans, Jets fans, Bills fans, Bucs fans and fans everywhere believing there team can be this year's version of the ARIZONA CARDINALS. The NFL sells hope better than President Obama and I am bought in. ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL.

• This is the first year since I have been watching football that there will be no John Madden or Pat Summerall calling Prime Time games. This will be strange for me because when you think of NFL ANALYSTS they are at the top of the list. I watched Sunday Night Football, Monday Night Football, and a couple of games on Sunday and only one thing was missing John and Pat. There will never be another duo like you guys and you will be missed.
• OK enough of the soft shit let's talk about some football.
• UPON FURTHER REVIEW:
• Upon further review there is not anymore parity in the NFL than there is in the NBA. I know it may seem like it, but look at week 1. There were a lot of close games but no real upsets. The closets thing to an upset was the Jets over the Texans and I favored the Jets. I know your saying Romeo the Bills and the Raiders should have won their games, but that's it they didn't. When the Raiders are 1-7 let's see them come close to beating the Chargers. It is easy to play hard in week 1, but let's see these teams playing hard in week 12 when their season is over and their front office is off scouting college players.
• Upon further review the Pats are the most arrogant mutherfuckers in the NFL. You trade your best Defensive Player to the Raiders just because. The Raiders signed Fred Taylor and Joey Galloway because they believe once you put their gear on you all of sudden become elite. I don't bet against the Pats winning it all, but mark this down if they fail to win the SUPER BOWL the trade of Seymour will play a big factor.
• Upon further review Flacco ain't no ordinary Joe. The Ravens with offense is like Halle Berry with breast implants. She doesn't need them because she is already the finest thing going but could you imagine her throwing some D'S on that muther. GODDAMN. Sure up that secondary BMORE and you got it going on.
• Upon further review the Deadskins and Jason Campbell suck. You mutherfuckers cost me money and reinforced why I hate you. Memo to Jason: That QB up I95 gets it, watch footage of Flacco and pray to God that your brain and arm can work as one.
• Upon further review Manning does what Manning is going to do. Change in coaches, big time WR gets cut, and all of the pressure of winning is on his shoulder and all he does is win. Great job Peyton. You didn't think I was talking about Eli did you?
• Upon further review John Fox is a bigger buffoon than Wade Phillips. Keep on putting all of your trust in Jake Dellhome and you will be joining the Toronto Argonauts in the CFL as their Special Teams coach, because no GM who gets randomly drug tested would rehire your ass.
• Upon further review life without TO ain't that bad. Romo threw for 356 yards, Crayton was the leading receiver with 124 yards, and no one complained about their touches. Hey TO how is life up north playing with the Buffalo Buffoons. I mean Bills.
• STOCK UP STOCK DOWN
• STOCK UP ADRIAN PETERSON- Go look at his run against the Browns. Nuff said
• STOCK UP TOM BRADY- 22 wins in a row in the regular season
• STOCK UP MIKE SINGLETARY- He rules with an Iron Fist ask Vernon Davis.
• STOCK UP REX RYAN- Matt Schaub is still ducking Jets Blitzers
• STOCK UP JOE FLACCO- Poise and confidence equals wins
• STOCK UP PATRICK CRAYTON- Just remember your nothing without TO
• STOCK UP BEN ROETHLISBERGER- All you do is win
• STOCK DOWN BENGALS OFFENSE- 7 points against the Broncos
• STOCK DOWN BRAYLON EDWARDS- 1 catch for 12 yards
• STOCK DOWN STEELERS O LINE- Can't pass protect or run block
• STOCK DOWN MICHAEL CRABTREE- Is this Deal or No Deal. No one turns down money
• STOCK DOWN DALLAS DEFENSE- That was Cadillac Williams not Adrian Peterson
• STOCK DOWN ALBERT HAYNESWORTH- All that money for 1 tackle
• WHAT I LEARNED IN WEEK 1
• I learned that two QB'S Eli Manning and Tony Romo could perform without two of the biggest Divas walking the planet in Plaxico and TO. Let's hear it for discipline and leadership.
• I learned that DICK RIDING is not a good thing. As talented as Fitzgerald and Bouldin are the Cards were 9-7 last year. They are not the Patriots so stop giving them props.
• I learned that Rex Ryan is just like his father" A trash talking Son of a Bitch that always has his team ready to play."
• I learned that Jay Cutler is the second coming of Brett Favre. He not only Dick Rides himself , but he can't make up his mind if there is a difference in wide open and triple coverage.
• I learned that somebody in the Eagles organization either dislikes McNabb a lot or really wants to win at all costs. Signing Garcia to come play QB for the Eagles is like Pookie agreeing to working around all that crack and trying to take down Nino Brown. It sounds good on paper , but you know it won't have a happy ending.
• I learned that the Bengals front office and coaching staff makes the Washington Nationals look like they know what they are doing. Roy Williams is one of the Biggest Buffoons walking the planet. He would rather hit a mutherfucker instead of winning the game. Hey Bengals ever heard of PREVENT D. YOU KNOW THAT SHIT WHERE YOUR SAFETIES GUARD THE END ZONE AND DON'T LET ANYONE GET BEHIND THEM. Marvin I have given you a pass long enough. The Money must be real good for you to continue running this circus, because you are the face of this shit. Stop being a ho to Buffonary and save yourself before you become regulated to coaching your son's pop warner league team. The 3-4 defense doesn't work as well on that level.
• I learned that if you play Pittsburgh you better have corners that can cover forever because once Ben buys time it's over.
• I learned that Brady must have a horseshoe up his ass, because the Pats should have loss to the Bills. Brady is the type of person that would be the sole survivor of a plane crash and walk away play football after rehab.
• THE HIGH FIVE
• 1)PITTSBURGH STEELERS-Picked up where they left off last year.
• 2)BALTIMORE RAVENS-Offense plus Defense equals SUPER BOWL ?
• 3)NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS-Can you stop anyone with that D?
• 4)NEW YORK GIANTS- Defense and a running game equals wins
• 5)PHILADELPHIA EAGLES-This team goes as Donavan goes
• LETTERS TO THE EDITOR
• Dear Romeo, What do you think about the chances of the Redskins and Jason Campbell winning it all. Signed Anonymous... The Deadskins have about as much chance of winning the Super Bowl as Chris Brown does of getting back with Rhianna. There is a better chance of the Klan and the NAACP co hosting a fund raiser on BET for Karina victims. As far as Jason Campbell I have him ranked right behind McNabb,Romo,Eli,Vick,Garcia,Kitna,Carr and Cobb. He is better than everyone else in the division though.
• FANTASY PLAYER OF THE WEEK
• DREW BREES-358 YARDS AND 6 TDs. That's some TECMO BOWL shit right there.
• OUT OF BOUNDS:
• Enough of the Serena Williams shit already. She fucked up and she apologized, but don't get it twisted there is a double standard. John McEnroe did the same shit through out his whole career and he was beloved. He curses and yells in exhibition games and charity events and they don't even count. She is not a bad person and she should not be indicted for overreacting to a bad call. Serena has achieved a lot over her career and one incident should not tarnish that. Get over it. My President was called a liar and didn't get this much uproar. Get your priorities straight and remember at the end of the day it was just a tennis match.
• Kanye West is an egotistical glory hog who got his wish, because you are talking about him. He is not racist just an opportunist get it straight.
• Michael Jordan's Hall Of Fame speech was both funny and shocking. He belittled a lot of people and he was given a pass by media. What else is new? What other man do you know could fly a man in and clown him on National TV. The guy that beat him out for a spot on his high school team was used as a human prop and belittled in front of millions. Dean Smith even caught his rage for not naming him as a starter his freshman year and costing him a spot on the cover of Sports Illustrated. Jeff Van Gundy was called little Pat and made to look like a little buffoon who couldn't think for himself. As my boy Brad Piff put it what else did you expect from the most selfish player to ever play the game. Hope you enjoyed put your kids out there while patting yourself on the back and making yourself look good. If I could be like Mike. I don't think so .........
• BUFFOON OF THE WEEK:
• LANE KIFFIN: After talking trash to THE FLORIDA GATORS AND URBAN MEYERS all off season you are back pedalling like a corner back playing in a prevent defense. You said that their defense is going to send all 11 players to the pros, Tim Tebow is the greatest QB to ever play College ball, Urban Meyers runs an excellent program and they may go down as the gratest team to ever play football. He also said that Urban Meyers is a great father, a great provider and he wants to know how he would advise him on pleasing his wife better in bed. Are you fucking kidding me? You told all of America that Florida was a bunch of cheaters and that you were going to sing Rocky Top all night long after beating them. I guess reality is setting in because you are about to receive what everybody else is already getting "ASS WHUPPINGS". You expect your players to respect you after kissing Gator Ass all week. You should have stood your ground and took it like a man instead you think that by giving compliments that Florida will let up. Not a chance. Next time leave the trash talking to the pros and stick to Xs and Os YOU BUFFOON. I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE THE SCORE.
• I'M LIKE BAD NEWS BEAR BRIAN URLACHER.