NFL LOW DOWN WEEK 4

The NFL is the smartest and most lucrative sport out there, because they have somehow found a way to make themselves an intricate part of our everyday living. We live and die with how our teams perform on Sunday and believe it or not it effects how we behave, perform and interact with each other everyday. Instead of saying Hello like normal motherfuckers do we say things like "WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR BOYS YESTERDAY OR YOUR DEADSKINS ARE TERRIBLE". We have replaced everyday conversations about how we are doing with conversations like Flacco and the Ravens have a shot at going all the way or The Jets and Coach Ryan are no joke. The NFL is not a perfect product by any means, but they no that shit. In fact they like it. They like the fact that there officiating is the worse, because it makes them relevant in football fan's minds all during the week when there aren't any games being played. They are a billion dollar industry yet their referees only work part time and they have other jobs during the week.They could fix that shit if they really wanted too. People in Baltimore are still complaining about the Pats game and the Bengals are in town on Sunday. Instead of having sex with your woman, or spending quality time with your kids you are emailing and calling talk show hosts about the theory of the league wanting Brady to win. Love it or hate it the NFL is like crack to us and we are all just like POOKIE SUCKING ON THAT PIGSKIN DICK AND IF YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES AND BE QUIET FOR A SECOND I KNOW YOU CAN HEAR THAT SHIT CALLING YOU. Now on to the LOWDOWN!

• I'M SO DONE WITH:
• I'm so done with wide receivers throwing their hands up like they are hailing a cab every time their is an incomplete pass thrown.
• I'm so done with corner backs that release wide receivers to the safety and then look disappointed when they get burnt. You would rather defend open space than stay with Randy Moss. Makes sense to me. shout to toast Patterson
• I'm so done with teams that line up in shotgun on 3rd and 1 and 3rd and 2. You can trip over your shoelace and fall forward for two yards.
• I'm so done with people who predict who will play in the conference championships after only 4 weeks of play. Who knew the Jets, Saints,Broncos, 49ers, and Bengals would be this good and the Titans would be this bad.
• I'm so done with corners who play 15 yds of the ball. You are making guys like Wes Welker and Brandon Stokley look like Hall of Fame receivers.
• I'm so done with part time running backs who share carries. Emmitt, Barry and Robert Smith must have been taking the juice, because those motherfuckers carried the ball 20 plus times a game and never wanted to come out of a game. Brandon Jacobs is about 6'5" 265 and he needs help. Shout out to THE BUS.
• UPON FURTHER REVIEW:
• Upon further review we were all wrong about the Broncos and Josh McDaniels. I'm not just saying this because they beat Tony Romo not the Cowboys. Their defense looks real impressive and they have a good wide receiving core led by Brandon Marshall. Hey RAVENS you think your team is better off without that kid who made Newman look like a little BITCH by simply taking the ball from him.. OK shout out to Ozzie Newsome.
• Upon further review I think LT, my bad LaDainian Tomlinson is done. Make all the excuses you want for him, but he spends more time on the sidelines than Suzy Kobler from ESPN. His next big performance in a playoff game will be his first. What is worst not being there for your team or showing up and making mistakes that hurt your team. Shout out to Romo.
• Upon further review the report of the demise of Brett Favre has been greatly exaggerated. If that is what you call game managing then I don't know what the fuck Trent Dilfer was doing.
• Upon further review the loss of Rex Ryan has taken some off the bark and bite out of the Ravens defense. Instead of crying about their reputation as bad guys they should do like the Bad Boys Pistons teams used to do and embrace it. That is called marketing 101.
• Upon further review it looks like THE U is back. I hate those motherfuckers with a passion which only serves to tell you that they must be relevant again. That schedule that they have played is no joke and they are definitely a top 20 team unlike FSU. Shout out to Bobby Bowden
• NECESSARY ROUGHNESS:
• The fans in Baltimore need to stop crying about the officiating and come to grips with the fact that your team is not perfect. Every team has questionable calls go against them every week, but the good teams still manage to find a way to win. Whenever the Ravens loose a big game to the Pats, Colts, Steelers, Titans, or insert team the fans and players complain about the officials. There are many plays in a game that help to determine the outcome, but the officials are not good enough to help a team defeat another one. In five years Flacco will get the same calls that Brady gets now and no one here will complain. Hell this week when you play the Bengals you will get most of the calls in your favor and I won't here one word from you fans. Stop bitching about stupid shit and enjoy the fact that you play in meaningful games and that you have a championship caliber team. This team and city is getting a bad rep as sore looses and it tarnishes and otherwise model ran franchise. It is ok to be upset after a loss, but choose your words carefully and give thanks to God for having a team like the Ravens to cheer for. It could always be worse. Imagine being a DEADSKIN fan . Damn that's hurts more than Queen Latifah being shot up in Set It Off. Those are not facts its just my opinion and you can throw a personal flag on me for NECESSARY ROUGHNESS.
• STOCK UP STOCK DOWN:
• STOCK UP:JARED ALLEN 4.5 SACKS AND A SAFETY. WORTH THE MONEY
• STOCK UP:MATT FORTE 12ATT 121YDS AND 1 TD. TWO BIG RUNS HELPED
• STOCK UP:PATRICK WILLIS 2.5 SACKS 1INT AND 1TD. DOMINANT
• STOCK UP:MIKE SINGLETARY 35-0. THAT'S HOW YOU SEND A MESSAGE
• STOCK UP:AQIB TALIB 3INT'S. RECOVERED FROM THAT MOSS TD
• STOCK UP:DARREN SHARPER. SOLIDIFYING THAT SAINT'S DEFENSE
• STOCK UP:MIKE NOLAN. 26POINTS IN 4 WEEKS. IMPRESSIVE
• STOCK UP:BRANDON MARSHALL 51 YD TD CATCH. HE IS SPECIAL
• STOCK DOWN:KERRY COLLINS 11 OVERTHROWS AND 2INTS
• STOCK DOWN:TONY ROMO 1FUMBLE 1INT. PLAY YOUR GAME
• STOCK DOWN:MARK CLAYTON YOU HAVE TO MAKE THAT CATCH.
• STOCK DOWN:RAIDERS PASSING GAME. WHERE IS THE VERTICAL
• STOCK DOWN:SAN DIEGO CHARGERS . SUPERBOWL BOUND?
• STOCK DOWN:JOEY GALLOWAY 6CATCHES 49YDS. FOR THE SEASON
• STOCK DOWN:ADRIAN PETERSON'S HANDS 15 FUMBLES SINCE 07
• STOCK DOWN:KYLE BOWLER 41QB RATING. NOW ST LOUIS KNOWS YOUR BAD
• THE HIGH FIVE:
• 1)NY GIANTS 4-0. THE CLASS OF THE NFL
• 2)INDIANAPOLIS COLTS 4-0. KEEP COUNTING PEYTON OUT.
• 3)MINNESOTA VIKINGS 4-0. BRETT +AP+DEFENSE=SUPERBOWL BIRTH?
• 4)NEW ORLEANS SAINTS 4-0. WHO KNEW?
• 5)DENVER BRONCOS 4-0. MIKE NOLAN HAS THEM BELIEVING.
• WHAT I LEARNED IN WEEK 4:
• I learned that some guys are cut out to be coordinators and not head coaches. Norv excellent offensive coordinator terrible head coach. Mike Nolan excellent defensive coordinator terrible head coach. Dick Lebeau excellent defensive coordinator terrible head coach. Which brings me to Wade Phillips and Jim Zorn. Wade your speciality is defense and yet my defense looks loss at times. Jim Zorn your speciality is offense. You run the offense and you are the Qb coach yet your team scores 19 pts in two games against the feared LIONS D and the intimidating Rams D. Your owner thought so much of your ability to run the offense that he hired you a consultant to help you with your pathetic ass game plans. Some guys just don't belong coaching football.
• I learned that the media loves building you up, but once you do something they don't like they spend the rest of your career tearing you down. They call Tom Brady a whiner and says that he is soft. You are talking about that son bitch that headbutts his lineman as a sign of affection. If that is soft then I know a whole lot of guys in the NFL who look like Tarzan but they must be Jane.
• I learn that every time the Cowboys loose it seems like a state of emergency throughout the NFL. Everyone chimes in on what's wrong with the Boys. Correct me if I'm wrong , but the Titans are 0-4 and they had home field last year yet no one mentions them at all. I guess it is the price you pay for being America's Team.
• I learned that the President of the US can be criticized and impeached, but if your name is Bobby Bowden and you coach the FSU Seminoles you are untouchable. Outside of being a parent what job do you get to keep for life. Let's put this in perspective. What will you be doing at the age of 80? It damn sure won't be working. You can't even reach around and wipe your ass at the age of 80. You shouldn't be driving, fucking,running,swimming and you damn sure shouldn't be coaching. This is not intended to be harsh it's just the reality I live in. Bobby wake the fuck up and realize what we already know. The game has passed you by. In the past you could have called in the plays from the golf course and we would have defeated UCF BY FIFTY let alone loose to them. You are tarnishing your legacy by hanging on. Unlike Peter Angelos you can still do the right thing. LET MY NOLES GO!
• QUOTE OF THE WEEK:
• I asked OCHOCINCO what he thought about facing the Ravens Defense and does he consider it a difficult challenge when he plays them. HIS RESPONSE WAS CHILD PLEASE. IF OCHOCINCO IS ABLE TO SEE RAY LEWIS ON THE FIELD HE IS GOING TO BUST HIM IN THE MOUTH. SABIEN GLOVER AND JEFF FOXWORTHY DON'T WANT NONE EITHER.(MEMO THERE REAL NAMES ARE FABIAN WASHINGTON AND DOMINIQUE FOOXWORTH BUT YOU CAN'T TELL CHAD ANYTHING). THEY CAN'T D UP OCHOCINCO LET ALONE TAKE HIS TRASH OUT. REED AND SUGGS DON'T WANT NONE EITHER. OCHOCINCO WILL FUCK UP EDGAR,ALLEN AND POE.(THERE MASCOTS). TELL THAT RAVENS SECONDARY THAT THE CHAMP IS HERE AND THAT NEED TO BE CHANTING KUM BYE YEAH OCHOCINCO KUM BYE YEAH. CHILD NO MORE QUESTIONS. IF YOU WANT TO GET MORE FROM OCHOCINCO READ MY TWEETS YOU LITTLE BITCHES.
• BUFFOON OF THE WEEK:
• Tony Romo is about to get his own wing named in his honor. If you watched the game on Sunday you know what I'm talking about. How do you throw at Chump Bailey 16 times including the last two passes of the game? Did you know that the Broncos other starting corner plays for the Ravens now. Which means that I don't even know who the fuck there other coner is? This is the type of dumbass shit that keeps the Cowboys from winning big games. Keep on doing shit like this and you will end up like Jason Campbell. Dumb, confused, lacking confidence and all fucked up. Common sense says you throw away from Chump and make someone else , anyone else but Chump make a play. Why didn't you do what you always do and throw into triple coverage or throw behind someone or overthrow your 6"5" receiver where only the defender could get it. You would have been better off running a naked bootleg and trying to run thru the entire Broncos D then challenging Chump Bailey. How long before this teams decides to quit on you?
• REAL BUFFOON OF THE WEEK:
• What millionare in his right minds marries a girl after knowing her for a month. Did you see that picture I posted of Ron Artest and that random baddass bitch. That was not an ad or a shot for a magazine cover. That was Ron just taking a picture with a half naked bitch , because he could. Imagine chicks like that waiting outside of your hotel room as you travel from city to city and all they want is to be fucked. You would call that the life and it would take a helluva lot for you to change your lifestyle. Meet Lamar Odom. He decided that he would marry the wrong Kardashian after only knowing her for a month. Who does this type of shit. I think this has something to do with his sugar dependancy. He couldn't have been in the right frame of mind when this decision was made. Of course she is going to say yes. She is set for life. She doesn't love you. She loves your money and your lifestyle dumbass. If you were broke and you asked her to marry you she would have laughed in your face like that chick did Earl Simmons aka DMX in NEVER DIE ALONE and told you that you were small time. I hope you got a pre nup because half after taxes ain't shit. Good luck Lamar Odom because of this pathetic attempt at showing your love for the wrong Kardshaian "YOU ARE THE BUFFOON OF THE WEEK. The tough ass decision you had to make was marry the wrong Kardashain or fuck random models and dime pieces. Damn to tough for me. Mutherfuckers like me only have to make tough decisions like what bills are the most important and need to be paid now and what can I afford to go without. Those are tough decisions. Yours was a no brainer, but what should I expect from a 6'9" underachiever who fucking eats candy all hours of the day.
• I'm out like Lamar Odom's bank account after the wrong Kardashian get's in it.