NBA FASTBREAK ISSUE #1

This is the 1st edition of the FASTBREAK and let me tell you if you like THE LOW DOWN your going to love the FASTBREAK! This publication will be filled with interviews,opinions,and insights that you won't get anywhere else. If anything is happening in the world of the NBA or the NCAA you better believe I will give you the inside scoop from a professional's perspective.

1. I have already started my GARY GOTTA GO chants. I have supported Gary ever since he took over for Bob Wade and that was back when the Terps were on probation and you couldn't even watch them on network TV. The Terps were so bad back then, they were treated like black people back in the 60's. They had to enter through the backdoor of the gym, ride on the back of the bus, and when they visited top 10 programs like Duke and UNC they were told we don't serve your kind. Your kind meaning loosers. There was know way in hell things could get worse than that, but apparently I was wrong. The Terps have become annual members of the NIT club for loosers and this year will be year 5. How much shit can a motherfucker take ?



2. In the the 90's and the early 2000's MD. was a perenial top 20 program. There was Duke,UNC,Arizona,Conneticut,Michigan,Syracuse,Arkansas,Kansas, and Kentucky. Every year you knew Gary and the boys were at least sweet 16 bound. It started with THE WIZARD Walt Williams, Joe Smith, Keith Booth, Johnny Rhodes,Xree Hipp,Stevie Franchise and ended with Steve Blake,Juan Dixon,Lonnie Baxter ,Byron Mouton and Chris Wilcox winning it all. Through it all getting our asses whipped by Ray Allen and UCONN, Bootsie Thorton,Ron Artest and St. John's, Juwan Howard and the Fab 4,and Steve Nash and Santa Clara I still loved and supported my Terps. Remember when the Terps beat Marcus Camby,Lou Roe,Donta Bright,Edgar Padiila,Carlos Travieso and Umass.How about when we dismantled Tayshon Prince,Keith Bogans and that Kentucky Wildcat squad.Caron Butler, Ben Gordan, Omekar Okafor and UCONN also tasted defeat.Nick Collison,Drew Gooden,Kirk Hinrich,and Kansas also tasted an L. Last but not least that Jarred Jeffries Indiana squad bowed down to greatness. Fear The Turtle.



3. Every year you knew we were going to step to Duke and more often than not it was in there building. Say what you want about the UNC/DUKE rivalry, but nothing was hotter than MD./DUKE. Don't you miss that shit. Billy Packer and Jim Nantz calling our games and questioning why Gary is sticking with Blake after turnover after turnover. DUKIE V rooting for Duke, but having to praise the Terps because of their ability to rise to the occasion. The Terps may not have had the most McDonald's All Americans but they kept star NBA quality talent on their teams.



4. Look at the Terps now loosing to Morgan St. , Bethune Cookman, Booker T International,BWI Flight School, and any other University you can think of because no one fears the Turtle. Can you name anyone on the Terps starting 5. How do you go from winning a National Championship to loosing to football schools like Florida St.,Va Tech, and The U. It's hard to believe guys don't want to come to MD.. I thtink Gary just doesn't recruit well and he refuses to adjust to the so called one and done athlete. There was a time right after he won a National Title where Gary walking into your living room would have been enough for most guys, but now you have to sell yourself like Roy and Coach K do. I like Gary but he refuses to adapt and much like the ORIOLE WAY, FEAR THE TURTLE is a thing of the past. Gary do the right thing and walk away.



5. I witnessed something the other night watching the Laker/Magic game and my boy Brad Piff brought to my attention again, because I was in denial. Dwight Howard is a motherfucking beast and the Magic are for real. I knew Howard was an animal, but what I didn't know was good Jameer Melson has become. They shoot threes like the Rockets used too, but Dwight as good as he is will never be like Akeem Olajuwan. MEMO TO THE REST OF THE NBA: THE MAGIC IS FOR REAL AND IF YOUR NOT CAREFUL A PIMP NAMED STERN THEY COULD RUIN YOUR LAKER/CAVS FINAL OR YOUR LAKER/CELTIC FINAL.



6. Kobe vs LeBron didn't live up to the hype, because Kobe played lockdown D on Queen James with with 3 healthy fingers on his right hand. People say Kobe's team is better than LeBron's team. That shit doesn't matter when that supposed sorry ass Cav's team beat the Celtics and had the best record in the league did it. They still have the best record at home in the NBA don't they. The Lakers have injuries just like the Cavs, but that game came down to Kobe making a statement. Most people in his position(Does Gilbert Arenas ring a bell)wouldn't even be playing right now let alone guarding the 2nd best player on the planet. That's what Queen James is right now. Kobe knew the importance of this game and he wanted to make a statement like he did when they played the Celtics. I think LeBron is still learning and he and Kobe are playing two different games right now. Kobe is the wiley veteran you see at YMCA who knows all the sweet spots on the court and plays hard and knows when to expend his energy. Kobe realizes that a fadeaway jumper counts the same way dunking on fools does. It's just two points. When Kobe had to make a statement he did hitting a fadeaway, a baseline jumper and a high arcing jumper while falling out of bounds for an and one that if that was Mike he would have licked his fingers afterwards. LeBron is unstoppable in the open court and his court vision is second to none. Once he masters his jump shot and becomes a better defender he will be the best player on the planet. Until then OBE WAN KOBE is still the Jedi Master and LeBron Skyywalker is the heir apparent.



7. The Celtics are not as strong as last years team, but they are still the defending champs. They are weakened by the loss of P.J. Brown and James Posey. If you have a deep bench and you have length in your frontcourt like Atlanta,the Lakers, and the Magic you have a good shot at beating the Celtics and if A PIMP NAMED STERN tells Boston to play that soft as matador D they played against LeBron the last time they played the Cavs can beat them also. The key to beating the Celtics make Rondo,Garnett and Perkins beat you. Stay at home on Jesus Shuttlseworth and double The Lie(NOT THE TRUTH IN MY BOOK) Paul Pierce in the 4th quarter. If Garnett has to expend energy scoring he can't smack the floor and wave his finger in your PG's face while calling him a BITCH. Eastern Conference do my bidding and take care of the Celtics.



8. The Spurs are the Spurs. They are like Reebok classics. You would never wear them motherfuckers, but they have been around forever and will probaly never go away. As long as Tim Duncan is around they will always be contenders. I hate to say this shit , but the Spurs are like the Pats. The model of consistancy. They spend their money wisely and people just seem to fit in their system. With that being said lock down the little boy(Parker) and you will win 90% of the time.



9. A Pimp Named Stern has fucked this league up so bad that the only players in the league who the common man knows are KOBE,LEBRON,D-WADE,THE DADDY,A.I., and GARNETT. The Portland Trailblazers and the Atlantla Hawks are two up and coming teams and no one recognizes they are legit contenders to the title. Blaim A PIMP NAMED STERN and his fixed ass league for this shit.



10. I was thinking about the impoortance of PG play in the NBA and I compared it to the QB position in the NFL. Here is what I came up with:



11. 1)Andre Miller plays like Peyton Manning. They are both cerebral nd neither one is a great athlete.



12. 2)Chris Paul is Tom Brady. They are both the best at their positions and they both do more with less.



13. 3)Darin Williams plays like Donavan McNabb. They are both physical and make plays that other people at their positions can't make.



14. 4)Steve Nash plays like Kurt Warner. When they are in the right system with the right players they are at their best.



15. 5)Chauncey Billups plays like Big Ben Rothesberger. Neither are pretty, but with the game on the line Mr. Big shot and Big Ben always seem to come through.



16. 6)Devin Harris plays like Tony Romo. They both play at one speed fast. They are both young and have to learn how to be leaders and better game managers.



17. 7)Tony Parker plays like Drew Brees. They don't look the part, but both are assasins. They are at their best when the offenses run through them and the game is a shootout.



18. 8)Steve Blake plays like Jeff Garcia. They are both winners who teamates love playing with, but management is always looking to replace them. They are both fundamently sound also.



19. 9)Jason Kidd plays Brett Favre. Their best days are behind them, but they can still win with the right teams. They are both legends who got replaced by younger talent.



20. 10)Gilbert Arenas plays like Phillip Rivers. They are both arrogant,cocky, and demand attention. Neither has won anything,but that won't stop them from talking.



21. Mike Bibby plays like Carson Palmer. They both rely on the long ball. Carson likes to throw deeop and Bibby loves to shoot the three. Their teamates respect them and they are both leaders who happen to be pretty good.



22. What do you think about the comparisons? Send your comments or your own comparisons.



23. HIGH FIVE



24. 1)ORLAND MAGIC- 33-8 -THE BEST ROAD RECORD IN THE NBA



25. 2)LA LAKERS-32-8- THE HIGHEST SCORING TEAM IN THE NBA



26. 3)CLEVELAND CAVS-31-8-PERFECT AT HOME AND THE BEST DEFENSE GOING



27. 4)BOSTON CELTICS-34-9 THE DEFENDING CHAMPS HAVE THAT SWAGGER AGAIN



28. 5)SAN ANTONIO SPURS-28-13-GINOBLI HAS SPARKED THEIR RESURGANCE



29. MVP



30. 1)KOBE BRYANT- THE BEST IN THE GAME



31. 2)LEBRON JAMES-UNSTOPPABLE THE BEST PLAYER NOT NAMED KOBE



32. 3)DWIGHT HOWARD-THE REL MAN CHILD. A WALKING 20-20 MACHINE
33. 4)DWAYNE WADE- PLAYING THE BEST BALL OF HIS CAREER
34. 5)TIM DUNCAN-MANNING THE MIDDLE FOR ONCE LIKE A REAL CENTER
35. BOTTOM 3:
36. 3)la clippers-9-31-they don't deserve to play in the Staple Center
37. 2)washington wizards 8-32-eyeing that #1 pick
38. 1)oklahoma city thunder-8-34-they suck
39. I'M OUT LIKE THE PHOENIX SUNS CHAMPIONSHIP HOPES.

NFL LOW DOWN WEEK 20

The proceeding Low Down is brought to you by M.A.D.R.. That's MOTHER'S AGAINST DICK RIDING. It's not to late stop dick riding even if you have been doing it all your life. I know a lot of you want to know what dick riding is. I will break it down as easy as I can for all of you that have been effected by lead paint or have crack heads for parents. Remember when Michael Jordan played for the Bulls and you cheered his ass on because it was the popular thing to do. That's dick riding motherfucker, because you don't cheer the Bulls now because they are sorry as shit. Dick riders are like bandwagon jumpers except they don't realize it. In Baltimore alone I know about 60 well known Dick Riders and some of them I call friend. Get out before it's too late and one more thing after last nights ass whipping courtesy of the Lakers .Curtis stop that dick riding of Queen James.

• By now you all know I hate Omar Epps and the Steelers and for good reason. I'm a Cowboys fan first and for most and I can not have the Steelers winning a 6TH Superbowl before my Boys. Not on my watch. The only pleasure I got out of Sunday's game was that smiling ass Bitch Heinz Ward wasn't running around antagonizing motherfuckers with his antics.
• Now here are my views on yesterday's game. It is amazing how Ravens fans view Sunday's game a lot different with Harbaugh as a coach than they would have if Billick was there. Raven's fans are tipping their hats to the Steelers and saying how proud they were of their team even though they loss. They are not blaming Flacco either. They are just saying that the better team won. That's bullshit.
• If Billick was head coach and Bowler was the QB all hell would have broke loose. Billick's genius title would have been questioned and everyone would have blamed Kyle Bowler for the loss including his teammates.When Flaco threw the pass that Polamalu ran back, the Ravens gave up. No one wanted to tackle him and the game was still in doubt. If Polamalu is tackled two things could have happened. The Ravens could have forced a punt or forced the Steelers to kick a field goal. Either scenario and the Ravens would have still had a chance to win. The score was 16-14 at that point. A field goal by the Steelers would have made it 19-14. A Ravens touchdown wins the game. I'm not bashing anyone , but you know that shit is true. Polamalu on his gimpy leg should have been tackled, but the offense gave up after the pick. "What you talking about Willis McGahee and Derrick Mason played their asses off. All you Raven fans that talked bad about Willis became his biggest supporters after he got fucked up. When you thought he couldn't contribute anymore you wanted to get rid of him. After that long run in Dallas and his success since you all started dick riding Willis. I don't like McGahee never had never will, but at least I never questioned his heart or ability to still play the game. I respect Mason, because he played four straight games with a separated shoulder and never complained. He is a throwback to when guys didn't do their talking off field they let their play on the field do it for him. T-Sizzle you are all man. Playing with one arm you were the best defender on the field. If you stay with the Ravens their is your future leader on D. The Raven's offense couldn't get anything going and I put this on Cameron. You know you have a rookie playing in the biggest game of his career. Even though Flaco won't admit it you know he was as nervous as you are when you take an aids test. Your positive you know what the results will be ,but your still scared none the less. I think the Ravens should have ran more and played a battle of field position with the Steelers. Don't change who you are now. PLAY YOUR GAME! You know who the Ravens missed the most. Chris Mcallister! You never replaced him and trust me you wouldn't catch Chris out there slipping and sliding and doing the electric slide like the rest of those buffoons out there in the secondary. The Ravens had their chances and blew it. It is ok to be mad at Flaco, or your receivers, or Cameron, or Harbaugh for that matter. You know you would have done the same to Billick.
• Hey Benedict Reid you got what you deserve. Philly fans who are you blaming now. Bet not be Donovan. He wasn't the one getting stepped on by Fitzgerald. Ever heard of making someone else beat you. I heard all of this talk about the Eagles being this years version of the Giants. Actually the Cardinals are this years version of the Giants and the Giants are this years version of the Cowboys. How so do you say?
• Unlike the Giants of last year the Eagles went into the playoffs on a roll. After crushing my Boys their confidence went through the roof. The Giants loss to the Pats last year and they backed into the playoffs. No one expected the Giants to beat the Cowboys let alone win the Superbowl. The Eagles were favorites in all of their playoff games and were seen as a legitimate threat to win it all.
• The Cardinals like the Giants ended the season with question marks hanging over their heads. They didn't play their best ball until the playoffs started. No one expected them to beat the Panthers and look at them now. They are in the playoffs.
• Eagles fans enjoy the off season and dream about what could have been bitches! Sorry Fiq , but you know I hate yall motherfuckers!
• Word out of Dallas is Jerry Jones wants Ray Lewis. Memo to Ravens fans. Who doesn't want Ray Lewis. Ray Lewis is like that fine ass girl you knew in high school who had a steady boyfriend. You always knew she was fine, but you never had the chance to tell her. Now years later you are both older, but she is still fine, so what do you do? You tell her how you always felt about her and how much you want her now. You hope that is enough to finally make her yours. Ravens fans that's the scenario and the other teams out there are salivating about having a player the caliber of Ray Lewis on their team. Sources tell me the Cowboys are willing to give Ray 25 million dollars in guaranteed money.That's a lot for any player, but hey it's not my money. Part of me wants Ray to be a Cowboy and another part of me wants him to retire a Raven. Either way I'm happy. As much as I dislike Jerry getting involved in everything, I know his heart is in the right place.
• Steelers or Cardinals. I will give my pick next week.
• The hit that McGahee received was the most vicious hit I have ever heard in my life and I wasn't even in Pittsburgh. The doctors said he was neurologically cleared to leave the hospital. I'm not Doogie Howser or anything but what the fuck does that mean? Is that code for, because his neck is still attached to his head he is OK to leave. What kind of clinic did they send McGahee too, because I know damn well they normally keep you there and run tests.? I guess that's what happens when a Raven gets treated for an injury in Pittsburgh. That's a rivalry for your ass!
• The more you tell the Cardinals they don't belong the more they keep proving everyone wrong. Do you think Kurt Warner belongs in the Hall of Fame. I do and if he wins it will be a no brainier.
• Not to long ago my family members Nick, Big Bub, and myself engaged in an argument over who was the best back of all time. I said BO JACKSON,ERIC DICKERSON,AND EMMITT SMITH. They all had the audacity to say Barry (I HAVE NEVER DONE SHIT WHEN IT COUNTED SANDERS) was better than Emmitt. I will argue my points about this in another Low Down, but who do you think is the best RB,QB,WR, and DEFENSIVE PLAYERS YOU HAVE EVER SEEN? Come up with your own top 5 and I will write about it next week.
• The Jets have hired Rex Ryan as their new head coach and I say what took so long. Ravens fans you have nothing to worry about, because defensive coordinators come and go, but as long as Ray is there you will always have a top 5 Defense.
• While out in L.A. covering the Lakers and the Cavs I ran into Charles Barkley and after talking about the days we spent making it drizzle in Alabama we got into a discussion about who is better Mike or Kobe. You know I had to ask, so I asked Chuck was the Head that good that it made you track the bitch down when you spotted her. He said it was the best he had ever received and he wanted some more. I said but Chuck you are married. He said that getting your dick sucked is not cheating, because the girl can't get pregnant and I said TNT pays you how much to say stupid shit like that. He told me that getting your balls licked is very therapeutic and it allows you to release your stress. I said yeah and bust a nut too huh. He said that the guys that wrote the bible were racist and must have had little dicks, because it's nothing like some good old head to finish off the night. I said Charles are you listening to yourself and he said it was his constitutional right to bear arms and lay pipe nightly as long as the girl is over 18. We never finished our conversation, but Chuck is a character. He invited me to go gambling and hit the strip joints with him, Pacman, and Plaxico since they are not doing anything anytime soon.
• BUFFOON OF THE WEEK: Jerry Jones
• I now officially put this man in the BUFFOON HALL OF FAME. He has his own wing. News out of Dallas is that the Cowboys charter plane often left late for games while waiting for players to show up. This is bullshit. Jimmy Johnson once left Michael Irvin's ass at home and told him to fly commercial if he wanted to play. Players are fined $100 for being late to practice. Sources say the Boys were unhappy with Romo's practice habits. This is our fucking leader. No one questions Brady or Manning's practice habits. Even Iverson said practice were talking about practice not the game practice, questions Romo dedication. He said he would never fly to the Cobo one week before the playoffs and not expect criticism. We are two weeks before the Super Bowl and the Boys make the headlines for all the wrong reasons. There is know leadership or direction on this team. No wonder you want Sugar Ray on your team. This team is a joke only no one is laughing.

• 
  
  
  
  
  
  
  

NFL LOW DOWN WEEK 19

• I just got finished watching the Terps blow a 15 point lead and loose yet again to the U. Gary what the fuck is going on first you loose to Morgan St., then Miami. Whose next Witcha School for the Blind? What happens when you play real schools like Duke and N.Carolina? My bad your probably beat them. It's the team we are suppose to beat that we loose too. This shit is frustrating. Oh well we could always be fans of UNLV.
• If you listen to that saliva spitting Steeler lover Bill Cowher the Ravens shouldn't even show up to play the Steelers. With the return of God himself, I mean Willie Parker playing on Sunday the Ravens are in trouble. As an analyst myself if your not the Deadskins I try to remain unbiased. That shit I saw on CBS was down right pathetic. That shit sounded like a Steeler infomercial. All Cowher needed was for Dan,Boomer,and J.B. to waive the terrible towels and plague allegiance to the black and gold. At least Shannon Sharpe remembered that the Ravens had the second rated defense in the league and they did just beat the number# seed. The same Titans team that fucked the Steelers up two weeks ago. Memo to Cowher Dick Riding of any kind is not tolerated and the Ravens love that type of shit. Keep it up Bitch. Hey Ravens DO MY MOTHERFUCKING BIDDING FOR ME. I CAN'T HAVE THE STEELERS WINNING THEIR 6TH SUPER BOWL. FUCK THAT NOT ON MY WATCH!
• I talk to Jason Whitlock and I told him too to stop the Dick riding. He said he told the world how good Donovan McNabb was ever since that comment about OT happened. I have been talking about Donovan being an elite QB for the last five years. I am a Cowboys fan and I said Donovan can play for me any day of the week and twice on Sundays. Too me he is the 3rd best QB in football behind Brady and Manning. I'm talking about Peyton not Eli(THE MANNING IN NAME ONLY).Give him a WR and a running game and he would be just as good as the other two. If it wasn't for Benedict Reid Donovan still might be throwing to T.O. and my franchise wouldn't be in turmoil. 5 NFC Conference Title games in his career is nothing to sneeze at. That's a helluva an accomplishment. With all that said I hope the Cardinals whip that ass.
• I want the Ravens to play the Cardinals. There I said it. Now back to being professional.
• I tried to tell America about Eli. He can no longer be referred to as a Manning. I can't disrespect Archie, Peyton, and River. In case you didn't know River is 3rd string tumbler in his tiny tots class. Without that buffoon Plaxico Eli looked like Kyle Bowler with his accuracy. If he can't throw the jump ball to Plaxico or hand off to Jacobs he is an average QB. I know he won a ring last year, but does the name Trent Dilfer mean anything to you guys. I'm not sold on Eli and I never will be.
• The same thing goes for Jake Delhome. I told you about Jake way back in week 4. When you need him the most he can't be counted on. He has really only had one good season and now his team is seeing him for who he really is. An adequate game manager who can't come through with the game on the line. You have a good defense, a good running game,a good offensive line and the best WR in the game and you can't beat the Cardinals in your own building. I wonder why.
• This just in The Boys are thinking about cutting T.O.. Sources in the Cowboys camp tell me that Stephen Jones wants to get rid of T.O., but Jerry loves his ass. Jerry loves the challenge of working with trouble makers, because win, loose, or draw it keeps his ass in the news. Jason Garrett is interviewing with the Rams and he has already talked to the Lions. I think the only way he turns down those jobs is if The Boys cut T.O.(WHO CRITICIZED HIS PLAY CALLING LAST SEASON) and guarantee him the head coach position. I believe T.O. has influenced a lot of guys and everyone except for Jerry can see that cutting him can only benefit the team. Jerry though has 12million reasons to keep T.O. and he loves his entertainment value. It will be interesting to see who wins out in this power struggle.Personally T.O. needs to go because his best years are behind him and he will only become a bigger headache. The young guys Barber,Jones Creyton and Williams need to learn from Whitten on how to be a professional. Take it from the best ran sports franchise out their the Pats better to get rid of them one year early than one year too late.
• The Only time that being a Cowboy actually saved a players life. Michael Irvin was driving when he was approached by another car and had a semi automatic rifle pulled out on him. Michael said the guy recognized that he played for the Boys and they began to talk about the disappointing season that just occurred. Michael said he feared for his life, but the gunmen finished their conversation, wished him the best and left without any harm being done to him. HOW BOUT THEM COWBOYS!
• I talked to Brandon Jacobs and Jason Tuck and they both told me we can't win without Plaxico. He said he could shoot his dick off and smoke crack whenever he wants as long as he lines up on Sundays and makes those plays. Tuck said that he sympathizes with the fans for having to watch Eli try to play QB last week. He said he was there and that shit was ugly, so he can only imagine what it look like on TV. Memo to Coughlin: YOU ARE NOT BELICHECK BITCH. STOP FUCKING WITH YOUR TALENT LIKE YOU ACTUALLY HAVE A SYSTEM THERE. Play your guys and stop that fake ass discipline. You overplayed your stroke and now you are getting ready for the draft just like the deadskins and THE BOYS.
• THE FINAL FOUR
• 1)THE PITTSBURGH STEELERS -OMARR EPPS YOU LUCK WILL RUN OUT SOON
• 2)BALTIMORE RAVENS- THAT IS NO ORDINARY JOE.
• 3)PHILADELPHIA EAGLES-PEEKED AT THE RIGHT TIME
• 4)ARIZONA CARDINALS- TOO DUMB TOO REALIZE WHAT'S AR STAKE
• BUFFOON OF THE WEEK: SWEET MEAT JACKSON
• Eddie Curry's Limo driver. Mr Sweet Meat was an ex convict that Curry employed as his round the clock driver and he allowed him to leave in his basement while working for him. Sweet Meat alleges that Curry was sitting in the limo butt naked eating cheerios when he asked Sweet Meat if he wanted touch this. Sweet Meat said no thank you and Curry said why won't you look at it . You know you want all of this Sweet Meat. Sweet Meat declined and he said Curry jacked his Johnson and made Sweet meat clean it up. Sweet Meat is said to be suing for lost wages and emotional damage. My boy Brad Piff said never trust a lowlife. Judge Mathis accused Sweet Meat of using and told him he was lying. Why would a millionaire who is married with children and has the world at his finger tips resort to offering the bow to his ex con limo driver. This shit is funny as hell and because of this Sweet Meat Jackson is the Buffoon of the week.
• I'M OUT LIKE JERRY JONES COMMON SENSE!

• 
  

NFL LOW DOWN WEEK 18

Let me start off this week of the Low Down, by telling you I experienced something down in Miami that totally blew me away while I was covering the Ravens/Dolphins game. And no I'm not talking about all that scattered ass that was there for the taking either.

• When I'm out covering games I'm normally surrounded by the local media and the visiting teams local beat writers. Because this was a playoff game and it was nationally televised there was a lot more media coverage and there was a big buzz hanging over DOLPHIN STADIUM LOCATED ON DAN MARINO BLVD. This mutherfucker has a street named after him and he never won shit. Miami loves that sum bitch and Jimmy Johnson don't have know candy bar or not even a goodamn poster of himself put up anywhere and he won national championships.
• Well anyway were sitting up in our VIP SUITES me ,Chris Mortenson, Jay Glazier, and Rodney Harrison. Yeah that Rodney Harrison of New England Patriot fame and we are all covering the game. Rodney is there on behalf of the NFL NETWORK and he said he is hoping to get into broadcast TV.
• Well the game starts and we are exchanging notes and observations when all of a sudden I hear "yeah get that mutherfucker Suggs! That's what the fuck I'm talking about. Punk Ass Bitch. They Don't want none. I do a double take, because I swear That's Brad Piff talking or Rodney must be smoking that ooohhh weeee. I'm thinking one he is not a Raven he is a Patriot and two he is covering this game ,he is supposed to be unbiased. That dick riding got me to believing that no matter how old you are or no matter how much money you have anyone and I mean anyone is capable of dick riding and there is nothing you can do about. He was giddy like a prostitute with a fresh bag of dicks and there was no calming him down.
• When I asked where is this shit coming from. He told me Romeo and I said that's Mr. Igromo to you. Excuse me Mr. Igromo I'm a fan of smash mouth defense and the Ravens personify that shit. They are a beauty to behold and they make me want to strap up right now and hit someone when they are not looking because just like Hines Ward you know That's what I do. He went on to say that this is some Avon Barksdale, Stringer Bell shit going on and that he would love to be The Omarr of that crew. I'm like damn Rodney you coming out the closet or some shit. You want to be a HOMO THUG. No nothing like that I want to be a Raven. So there you have it Dick Riding at the highest level by a grown ass man still employed by the Patriots. Even Kim Kardashian can't dick ride that good!
• Now back to the game. I lean over and I tell Chris is it just me or are the Dolphins intimidated. They look like scared Bitches out there. Chris replied not a tuna led team. No way No how. I'm watching the game and my cell rings. It's Piff and he said did you see that shit. Ray didn't just tackle Ricky Williams, He mushed his ass into the ground with a forearm and told him to stay down Bitch you don't want none. I'm like damn this is some school bully shit. The RAVENS are not only skilled and well prepared, but they are out to hurt and disfigure mutherfuckers.
• After the game we all came to one conclusion This Ravens team is for real and that Ravens Titans is going to be a slobberknocker.
• On to a more important topic How in the hell did Ed Reed or Demarcus Ware not win Defensive Player of the Year. Even Joey could have won and I would have understood. James Harrison is not even the best player on his own team that goes to Troy Polamalu. I don't want to hear that shit about the Steeler D being number 1 either because Bob Sanders won the Defensive Player of the Year and the Colts D have never even been top 10. Give me a fucking break. The Saints had the number #1 offense in the NFL and I don't see Drew Brees holding up the MVP TROPHY. The media puts whatever type of spin on shit when they see fit. Defensive Player of the Year ED REED.
• I was having a conversation with a good friend mind from the Indianapolis Star and I asked him why does he and the rest of America give Peyton and Dungy the benefit of the doubt every time they loose. Peyton has one ring. That's one more than Tony Romo and myself and I don't even fucking play. I have never heard one bad thing said about Peyton or Dungy when they loose. It's like just go get them next year. Why is that because they are good guys. Put that team in Dallas and they would be calling for some changes at the top. I think the media is afraid of loosing access to Peyton so they don't call him an underachiever or criticize Dungy for being soft with his team. I like Dungy as a person, but we are talking about winning football games, not parenting or how to be a good human being. There is no excuse for the MVP going out in the first round that's bullshit. Then again this is the NFL where they want to protect the Golden Boy image of Peyton and that means no criticism of his on field play, but he is our cover boy. Shouldn't that be Tom Brady or Ray Lewis or Ed Reed. Can't do that because Tom dates Supermodels and wins Super Bowls and Ed Reed and Ray just happen to be the best defenders in the game. Think about that when look at the games this week and see a Peyton Manning commercial.
• Speaking of Peyton I want to talk about that bullshit called Sudden Death. I think each team should get the ball at least once in OT and and if the games is stilled tied after that whoever scores first wins. Playoff games let alone regular season games should not be decided with a coin flip, but by the actual play of the teams involved.
• Hey Jerry Marty is still out there. I know he would bring discipline to the Boys and a winning attitude. I'm talking about Schottenheimer the man who went 14-2 and was fired by the Chargers because his field goal kicker is not clutch. With that type of thinking Dungy and Bobby Bowden should both be out of work.
• That footage of Pacman Jones at that strip club confirms everything I already knew. That this mutherfucker is crazy. Granted that police officer should not have asked his girlfriend for a lap dance, but damn he apologized and Pacman still wanted to kill his ass. Pacman threatened to kill everyone in the club, because he could and he didn't give a fuck. Hope you saved your money Pacman, because no one is ever going to touch your ass again except for a stripper. Make it Rain mutherfucker. Make it Rain.
• Donovan McNabb and the Eagles think they are this years version of the Giants. It's a damn shame you both couldn't loose, because I hate both teams.Once again it's going to come down to QB play. Eli (THE MANNING IN NAME ONLY) or McNabb the sometimes Chosen one. Hard to call.
• No one is talking about The Panthers/Cardinals game. The only shot the Cardinals have is if Bouldin plays and they slow down the Panthers running game. Triple Team Steve Smith as soon as he get's off the team bus. No forget that cover his ass starting tonight. I don't believe in Jake Delhome so you do have a punchers chance.
• I hope the Steelers do what the Colts did and sleep on Darren Sproles. He is a difference maker and I wouldn't let LT. No fuck that he hasn't earned the right to have initials. LaDainian Tomlison should not even touch the ball unless he is 100% going up against the Steelers. Both teams play good defense. The crowd and the field will play a big role in the outcome. Chargers take care of the ball and you can win in Pittsburgh. The Steelers have no line and Big Ben is prone to interceptions. Much like the Ravens the Steelers live and die with the Defense creating scoring opportunities. Philip play smart. There is nothing wrong with three and out. Do my bidding and take out Omar Epps and the Steel Drapery I mean curtain.
• My sources in Detroit tell me that the Head Coaching job is Jason Garrett's if he wants it. Jason take that shit. That's the best gig out there. Look at the upside. Two wins and that is a 200% improvement. You can only look good in this situation and you will get all of the credit. I know the Lions are buffoons, but it's better than being Jerry's Bitch. Grow some balls and take that shit.
• I ran into Brett Favre at the Old Country Buffet in Louisiana and he told me he was upset about the comments a certain RB made in the media about him. Brett told me that other than handing off to him that he never even knew his name or his number. Brett said how dare this guy bad mouth him to the media what has he ever done. I told Brett his name was Thomas Jones and that he is Julius Jones' s brothers. Brett said who Star Jones. I said no Thomas Jones. Brett said it doesn't matter because he doesn't have a street named after him or a sandwich and that when it comes down to it 99.9% of the team has his back. He also said he wanted to talk to Jermaine Dupri and Arsenio Hall two of his best friends before making a decision about whether or not to retire. After eating some Possum pie and raccoon pudding we said our goodbyes and Brett invited me to go Coon hunting next month. I said what the fuck you just say. He said coon hunting that's what the good ol boys call bears down there. I told him okay hopped in my paddle boat and left.
• THE ELITE EIGHT
• 1)NY GIANTS - THEY HAVE THE SWAGGER
• 2)TENNESSEE TITANS - OUT TO PROVE SOMETHING
• 3)BALTIMORE RAVENS - DEFENSE IS ON A MISSION
• 4)CAROLINA PANTHERS - JAKE DELHOME?
• 5)PITTSBURGH STEELERS - LUCK MAY RUN OUT
• 6)PHILADELPHIA EAGLES - PLAYING INSPIRED BALL
• 7)SAN DIEGO CHARGERS - THE SUPER CHARGERS BELIEVE
• 8)ARIZONA CARDINALS - THEY HAVE KNOW IDEA WHAT PRESSURE FEELS LIKE. MORE PLAYOFF WINS THAN MY BOYS THIS DECADE
• BUFFOON OF THE WEEK: CHARLES I NEED ANOTHER BLOW JOB BARKLEY! What the fuck is his problem? He was drunk, but he was sober enough to spot that ass and remember that head that he got. Charles is as big a buffoon as Pacman Jones without the body count. You want me to list his rap sheet. He spit on a girl at a game, because he was getting heckled. H e threw a mutherfucker through a plate glass window at a bar because the person threw a drink in his face. That's some Clint Eastwood (DIRTY HARRY)shit right there throwing a mutherfucker through a window. GODAMN. He has a gambling problem and forgets to pay what he owes. Because he is Charles Barkley he gets away with this shit. He needs to be fired by TNT and serve some time along with OJ. If that was me and you we would still be locked up crying for someone to come and get us. Charles got arrested took some pictures , signed some autographs, and thanked the cops for their time. What the fuck? Is this mutherfucker delusional. They should have tazered his ass. You drink and drive, your married and you admit to getting head, and thank the cops for arresting you. Let me get some of that shit your snorting, because republicans don't smoke crack only democrats do. So that I too can get arrested and look at world like I am a better man for that shit. This mutherfucker acts like he was sitting in on a protest for civil rights when he was arrested falsely and then let go. This type of behavior should not be tolerated and Pacman Jones said meet him at Players Club next Sunaday he knows where you can get some banging ass head from. I'm done.
• I'm like Paman Jones. Did you see that shit he was wearing in the beginning of the Blog. What the fuck is all I can say?
  
  
  
  
  
  

ED REED IS A BAD MUTHERFUCKER

I'm going to start this off with a disclaimer. I'm not being an emotional Bitch, because my team was eliminated and know I'm not smoking that ooooh weeee. Also you know I don't advocate dick riding on any level by any man. The following comments that you are about to read are those exclusively made by a man caught up in the moment and any rebroadcast or unauthorized use of my words without the express written consent of the National Football League or Igromo Inc is prohibited.

• What I witnessed on Sunday down in Miami was something my mother always warned me about as a kid. There are certain things that you just don't do, because there are always consequences for your actions. My mother told me not go outside without my coat and hat on , because I might catch a cold. My mother told me not to eat and then go directly into the pool, because I could get cramps and die. She also told me to make sure I have on clean socks and underwear everyday, because you just never know. All things that to this day I still adhere too. Now I can't remember if my mom told me this or not but even I know that you don't throw the football against the Ravens ANYWHERE NEED ED "STRINGER BELL REED, BECAUSE ONLY BAD THINGS CAN HAPPEN.
• In case you haven't noticed Reed plays a unique position in the NFL. It's called defensive Receiver and he is the only one qualified to play it. He stands in the middle of the field like a pit bull and dares anyone (that means the football) to come into his yard. He stares down QB'S and baits them into throwing his way. In case you haven't noticed he doesn't break on the ball until it has left the QB's hand. Outside of Peyton Manning no one studies film as much as Reed and it shows because his gambles are now more calculated. He was vulnerable to pump fakes and QB'S who would look off their intended targets. Now he locks in on QB'S and with that organized gang that he plays with bringing the heat he knows actually how long opposing teams have to get rid of the ball. Because of injuries he is no longer playing with reckless abandon and he is the perfect fit for the controlled chaos style that the Ravens play.
• I'm not afraid to say this , but I think Ed Reed is best overall Safety I have ever seen in my lifetime and I got to see Ronnie Lott throughout his whole career. His instincts for the ball are second to none and his return skills are amazing. He blocks punts, makes interceptions, applies big hits, and inspires a secondary full of dudes I can't name to play at a high level. Remember an All Pro corner by the name of shit what's his name, Chris something. Yeah Chris McCallister that's it. Because of Ed Reed's play the Ravens don't even miss McCallister and he is becoming almost as important to the team as Ray Lewis. That's some shit for your ass right there. I don't even wear jerseys right now, but I would rock an Ed Reed jersey quick and probably get jocked for it too. Ed Reed is Deon without the mouth and bright ass pin striped suits paying defensive receiver. I'm going to ask Mayor Sheila Dixon if we can rename Sunday Reeday. He inspires his team so much that when he picks off a pass they block and give him better protection than they do for Flacco. Tocaara's double g size Shirley from What's Happening Bra doesn't give her the protection that Reed gets. Cherish these moments Ed Reed fans, because guys like this don't come along to often.
• Enough of this love fest shit for Ed Reed the Low Down Is Next.
• I'M OUT LIKE NUMBER 55 FOR THE COLTS. SORRY BUB!