THE NFL LOWDOWN WEEK#5

Let's pretend you were a coach and you had three quality first string running backs. One has all the talent in the world and blazing speed. The other has tremendous heart and will run a motherfucker over in a minute. The third combines traits from the first two, but unfortunately has to back them up. Your offensive line is a little banged up, but when called upon can run block their asses off. Oh and let me throw in the fact that you have a pro bowl QB who has the potential for greatness and a wide receiving core and tight end that is a coaches dream. What would your play calling look like if you were the OFFENSIVE COORDINATOR and think before you answer that? Most of you probably say you would either run the ball or you would have a balanced attack. I say you are all full of shit and here is why. I was talking to my boy Greg the other day and we were talking about play calling when a revelation hit me. When is the last time a predominantly run oriented offensive coordinator got a head coaching job in the NFL? Think about it. The Ravens who are known for running the ball and playing stellar defense have had Mike Nolan, Mike Singletary, Jack Del Rio, Rex Ryan, Marvin Lewis, and Jim Scwartz all become head coaches in the NFL. Guess what all of them have in common. They came from the defensive side of the ball. Name me the Ravens offensive coordinators during their run. Matt Cavanaugh, Jim Fossell, and Brian Billick who took over the play calling all are out of work. The common denominator being if you don't throw the ball, you won't be a head coach in the NFL. The year the Giants defeated the Undefeated Pats in the Super Bowl who got a job off of that squad. I think he is coaching the Rams now and he was the defensive coordinator. His name is Spagnola. Trivia question for you who was the offensive coordinator for the Panthers when they produced two 1,000 yd rushers and a 1,000 yd receiver. Give up. I can't named that sum bitch either. I got it the offensive coordinator for the 85 Bears got a head coaching job didn't he? Wrong that was Buddy Ryan the Defensive coordinator. It took Gary Kubiak offensive coordinator for Run University in Denver years before he got a job. Guys like Shannahan, Gruden, Payton,Reid, and Turner sling that rock and they got jobs. Name me the offensive coordinator for the Titans, 49ers, Panthers,Giants or the Browns. Don't be mad I can't name those bastards either. Much like chicks dig the long ball. Owners dig throwing that ball. So the next time you question your favorite teams play calling just remember, they are not only playing to win, but they auditioning for their next job also.

• UNNECESSARY ROUGHNESS:
• Being a Cowboys fan makes me feel like the chick in Baby Boy that played Jody's girlfriend. Remember her classic line "HOW MUCH SHIT CAN A BITCH TAKE" because of the way Jody cheated on her over and over again. Well I ask Jerry Jones the same shit. THE FUCKING SUPER BOWL IS IN YOUR STADIUM THIS YEAR. HELLO MCFLY THE SUPERBOWL IS IN YOUR FUCKING 800 TRILLION DOLLAR STADIUM AND YOUR FUCKING TEAM IS GOING TO HAVE TO PAY TO GET IN. IMAGINE THE FUCKING STEELERS OR RAVENS HOSTING THE LOMBARDI TROPHY IN YOUR BUILDING. THAT'S ENOUGH TO MAKE ME FUCKING PUKE. THAT IS IREPRHENSIBLE GODDAMMIT. WHERE IS YOUR PRIDE AND YOUR WIN AT ALL COST ATTITUDE? YOU USED TO BE RUTHLESS AND MERCILESS. YOU FUCKING FIRED JIMMY JOHNSON FOR TALKING ABOUT YOU BEHIND YOUR BACK AND HE WON TWO FUCKING SUPER BOWLS. NOW YOU HAVE COMPASSION FOR THAT SIMPLE MINDED BUFFOON WADE PHILLIPS. I LIKE HIM AND I HOPE HE WINS, BUT WHAT IS THE ODDS OF THAT HAPPENING. EDDIE LONG HAS A BETTER CHANCE OF CONVINCING AMERICA THAT THE DEVIL MADE HIM  LOVER OF THE BO OF TEENAGE BOYS. I'M SICK AND TIRED OF BEING SICK AND TIRED. 1-3 WITH ALL OF THAT TALENT. THE ONLY THING I CAN THINK OF MORE DISAPPOINTING WAS THE CANCELLATION OF PLAYMAKERS BY ESPN. RESTORE MY FAITH AND AT LEAST THREATEN PHILLIPS WITH A SUPERBOWL OR ELSE  ULTIMATUM. CHANNEL YOUR INNER VINCE MCMAHON AND DO THE RIGHT AND SAVE ME FROM THE ULTIMATE EMBARRASSMENT BY SAYING THOSE GOLDEN WORDS"YOUR FIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRRRRREDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
• THINGS THAT I LEARNED IN WEEK 5:
• I learned that the NFL is the biggest bunch of dick riders this side of Eddie Long. The Steelers are a model franchise and they are having a good season, but give me a fucking break with that they are better than the Ravens shit. The Ravens beat them point blank no questions asked. Big Ben or no Big Ben it doesn't matter. No one mentioned that the Ravens are missing Ed Reed, or their starting left tackle or that they ran out of the normal laundry detergent they wash the uniforms with or that the normal ticket booth operator is out for two weeks with finger tendinitis. You get the point. Stop dick riding and call a spade a spade. The Ravens are the best team in the NFL RIGHT NOW PERIOD. TELL THE JETS AND THE STEELERS TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT MOTHERFUCKERS!!!!!!!!!
• I am tired of journalists and fans calling the level of play in the NFL mediocre this year, because their is no clear cut favorite. You ask for this shit. When my Cowboys and the 49ers were dominating the spotlight in the 90's everyone complained about their teams not getting a fair shot. Not that there is a salary cap in place and teams can't spend like crazy everyone is complaining again. Shut up and accept your reality . The days of dominance is over. That's why the Pats run is all the more impressive. Today if you have D you don't have O. Or you have a QB, but no one to throw to. No team is complete so therefore the performances week in and week out are going to reflect that. Be careful what you wish for , because now you have it.
• INTERESTING STAT OF THE WEEK: Orton, Romo,Brees, Manning, and Rivers the leading passers in the NFL have a record of 11-13. Johnson,Foster, Peterson, and Bradshaw the leaders in rushing have a combined record of 10-9. Go figure.
• The real straw that stirs that Saints drink is Reggie Kardashian. I mean Kim Bush. Saw Reggie but you were the one that went behind Ray Fucking J. Without him the Saints are struggling, because to me he is the one weapon on their team that you really have to gameplan for. He is a triple threat and his presence alone must be accounted for.
• The NFL is the real reason that the hit show Playmakers was taking off the air. If you remember the show was about the trials and tribulations of a pro football team. There was the star QB who was a womaniser and used staff members to line him up some snatch. There was the Gay WR who had to keep his lifestyle hidden from the rest of the team. And don't forget the crackhead Running Back played by Cuba Gooding's brother and co star of Smart Guy. He had another person's clean urine pumped into his body so that he could pass a drug test. That shit was put in through his bo. I think this shit hit to close to home to the NFL and they had ESPN pull the plug on this riveting show. If you need to see footage my man Brad Piff has copies on vhs tapes for sale.
• HIGH FIVE:
• 1) RAVENS (4-1) THE MOST COMPLETE TEAM IN THE NFL
• 2) JETS (4-1) GAINING CONFIDENCE AS THE WEEKS GO BY
• 3) STEELERS (3-1) BIG BEN IS BACK
• 4)PATS (3-1) WHAT WILL LAM LOOK LIKE. LIFE AFTER MOSS
• 5)BEARS (4-1) BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY
• BUFFOON OF THE WEEK:
• If you were a star QB, future hall of famer, had millions of dollars in your bank account and will continue to make millions in the future, was happily married with children and one of the most recognizable people in the US WOULD YOU TAKE PICTURES OF YOUR JOHNSON AND SEND THEM TO A CHICK FOR VIEWING? Now I'm not here to comment on his marriage, but what would make a man who has done it all leave his life of chilling to come back and play football. Sounds like someone who was trying to get away from his wife. See a previous lowdown from a year ago where I touched on this. Brett Favre is smoking that shit, because there is no way that a man of this magnitude should resort to sexting to pull a bitch. Brett have you not learned from Tiger you dumb mutherfucker. This shit will get out. Use your boy, another player, your manager a Pre Paid phone where the shit can't be linked to you, but don't put your shit on display for all to see. I want to meet the bitch that has that bomb like pussy capable of making me take a picture of the bozack and send it. That pussy don't exist. I'm small time and I know the ramifications of that shit. Nothing good can come from my bo making it's way around the net. If you were that horny there is uporn, pornhub, come and get it.com, strippers, hookers, and North Ave. bitches that will break you off for a ride to the club. Now look at you ass out, team losing, wife pissed the fuck off and I heard your dumbass didn't even hit it. At least Tiger got memories for giving up half his empire. What the fuck do you have. You pride no. Your dignity no. A winning record no. In the famous words of Ron Simmons DAAAAAAAMMMMMMNNNNNNNN. YOU ARE THE BUFFOON OF THE WEEK!!!
• I'm out like the Devil Rays.