Momma There Go That Man Again

MOMMA THERE GO THAT MAN AGAIN. HE HAS A SPECIAL RELATIONSHIP WITH THE BOTTOM OF THE NET. HE IS NOT THE MVP, BUT HE IS THE BEST PLAYER ON THE PLANET. WITH THE GAME ON THE LINE WHO DO YOU WANT WITH THE BALL IN THEIR HANDS. APPRECIATE HIS GREATNESS NOW, BECAUSE WHEN HE IS DONE THERE WILL NEVER BE ANOTHER ONE. THE BLACK MAMBA IS A COLD BLOODED ASSASSIN WITH A KILLER INSTINCT THAT IS SECOND TO NONE. HIS TRAVELING BUDDY AND COMPANION IS FAILURE, BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT DRIVES HIM TO BE THE BEST. LEBRON IS THE BEST TEAMMATE. KOBE IS THE BEST PLAYER. THERE IS NOTHING SWEETER THAN KB24 HITTING A 25 FT JUMPER THAT CAUSES 20,000 PEOPLE WHO ARE ALL STANDING TO SIT DOWN AND SHUT THE FUCK UP AT THE SAME TIME. THE MAMBA LIVES FOR MOMENTS LIKE THAT. TO ALL OF US THIS IS JUST A GAME TO HIM BASKETBALL EXCELLENCE IS A WAY OF LIFE. ONCE AGAIN MOMMA THERE GO THAT MAN AGAIN.

The Low Down "PLAYOFF EDITION"

ACCCHHHUUUU! ACCCCHHHHUUUUU! Sorry about that sneezing but I'M ALLERGIC TO BULLSHIT AND BUFFOONERY AND I'M BREAKING OUT INTO A RASH. I don't know what the fuck Charles Barkley is talking about, but his act is old now. His comments are no longer shocking or cutting edge they are just moronic rants from a man trying to to keep himself relevant. Charles your playing days are over so stop trying to be the class clown. That shit was funny years ago but just like Sinbad it's time for you to go away or at least give me some insight into the inner workings of the NBA that only a former player would know. I have watched you first pick the Jazz, then the Rockets, and now the Nuggets to beat the Lakers. Who are you going to choose next the Birmingham Stallions from the old USFL or how about the Kentucky Colonels from the ABA. NO NO I got it Mugsy Bogues, Reggie Williams, David Wingate and the Poets can fuck the Lakers up or better yet the Lakers have no heart and they are soft so what about the UCONN Women's team. I don't know what the Lakers did to you , but you really need to shut the fuck up. You said and I quote "The LAKERS DON'T DESERVE TO WIN A CHAMPIONSHIP BASED ON HOW THEY PLAYED AGAINST HOUSTON AND FOR THE FIRST TIME IN YOUR LIFE YOU ACTUALLY ROOTED AGAINST A TEAM (LAKERS) TO WIN". The Lakers beat the Rockets 4-3 and people act like they lost. You don't get wins for style points in the NBA. A 40 POINT WIN IS THE SAME AS A 1 POINT WIN. But Romeo the Lakers should have blown out the Rockets without Yao and Tracy playing. I agree but a win is a win. Remember last year win Boston went to seven games with the same Atlanta team that Cleveland swept this year. Did Boston deserve to win the Title last year, because they also went seven games with the Cavs who didn't even have Mo Williams then. The Lakers breezed through the West last year and what did it get them absolutletly nothing. I'm not saying that the Lakers can't play better, but this is not figure skating or body building motherfuckers this is a sport where whoever scores more wins. When you start to get credit for two wins when you blow a bitch out by 40 or get to start the next game off with the number of points that you beat your opponent by then I will give your argument some validity. Until then Barkley stick to Jordan dick riding,gambling and getting your dick sucked by white girls and save the game analysis to guys who actually have something to say that brings valuedto the telecast. You actually make me miss Tim Hardaway's commentary and his shit was the worst. I'm laughing just thinking about that shit. Brad Piff you know what I'm talking about. Remember when you were a kid and you couldn't really dance but your mother made you perform for her friends and they would smile and laugh at your ass while you shucked and jived for a couple of minutes to their amusement. You smiled and you laughed back because you thought they really appreciated your work. Little did you know they were laughing their ass off because you like a cute buffoon shaking your ass for their enjoyment. That's what Barkley has become a buffoon for TNT to strut out in our face so that we can laugh from time to time and comment on his stupid ass statements.

• I hear that the Lakers are soft and have no heart. That means that they are a finesse team that is talented and they sometimes play down to the level of their competition.
• When did Denver become the team to beat in the NBA. Chauncey you must be a bad motherfucker, because all of America has you leading your team past the Lakers and into the finals with a date with the Cavs. nene,the birdman,anthony carter and dohntay lones. Memo to the Lakers: YOU CAN' T WIN BECAUSE YOU DON'T HAVE ENOUGH TATTOOS OR ENOUGH STREET CRED. IT'S NOT ABOUT TALENT.
• I loved the look on the Celtic's faces as the clock was winding down on their season. That shit was priceless. I am going to miss Garnette calling his opponents bitches and motherfuckers though.
• James Harrison of the Steelers turned an invitation to see the FIRST BLACK PRESIDENT OF THE US because he said the PRESIDENT didn't really want to see them because if they had loss the Cardinals would have been the ones getting the invite. I'm still trying to fucking figure out the logic in that shit. That's like saying the only reason why your parents took care of you was because you were their child. Of course dumb ass why would the President invite your ass to the White House unless you did something extraordinary, because he is a nice guy. What black guy in his right mind would turn that shit down? I forgot you are a Pittsburgh Steeler. That explains it.
• When did Kobe lose his skills and become Ed McMahon to Le Bron's Johnny Carson? I think Kobe will have the ultimate laugh. Le Bron have you seen my championship rings.
• Why is everybody offended about Mark Cuban telling Kenyon Martin's mother the truth about her son. If Pau Gasol is soft. What is Kenyon hard? He is a thug on the court. The man has a tattoo of bright red lips on his neck. That shit is gangsta. When the only part of your body not tatted up is your toe nails you are a thug. Kenyon is at his best when he is punking white boys like Dirk and threatening to make them his bitches. I get it he is probably a law abiding citizen off the court who says his prayers and take his vitamins, but on it he is ruthless and we are all thinking the same thing. That motherfucker is a thug.
• Orlando you better win in 6 because ABC and a Pimp Named Stern will never ever let you win game 7 in Cleveland.
• Lakers vs Rockets was the highest rated game ever on ABC.
• Why do people hate the Lakers, Cowboys and Yankees so much? I have my theory, but I would like to know your thoughts.
• This just in Brett Favre was seen yelling out give me two numbers twos and a number 4 no change that I want three number fours and a number 5 jumbo package super size on four. I guess that means he wants to play this season after all.
• Can someone tell me what the fuck is twittering. Do you really want to know when I'm wiping my ass or soaking my balls in hot buttermilk to keep them smooth? To motherfuckers who do that shit get a life.
• If I hear this shit one more time I'm going to lose my mind. When Lamar Odom brings his A game the Lakers are tough to beat. Yeah and if GMoney would have never smoked that shit the Carter would have never been infiltrated, the CMB would still be together and the Dunna Man would have never died. Moral of the story is don't gamble on crackheads.
• Did you know the NHL playoffs are going on right now. I think they are being shown on the Oxygen channel right after Ellen reruns and before the best of Martha Stewart.
• Another baseball season is upon us and their is optimism in the air. A wise man told me their are only a couple of things you can always count on happening. Death, taxes,Brett Favre not knowing about his future, Kanye producing every ones' hit records,50 talking about retiring, Diddy stealing money from his artists,Triple H wearing gold,Shaq jocking whoever the best player is,the Yankees spending money,the Deadskins spending money,Federer losing to Nadal,Caliprairi getting the best players money can buy,black coaches getting fired after their first losing season and the Orioles dick teasing you in April . Oh yeah and the Wayans making stupid ass movies.
• I'm out like anybody fighting Manny Pacio.

Random Thoughts

1. Can someone tell me when Rajon Motherfucking Rondo became legit. I did not get the memo on this shit. This motherfucker can ball. I think he averaged a triple double against the Bulls. Can the Lakers find a point guard that can do it all and does not need a hook up to shoot the ball. Jordan Farmar's mother just called the Police and said that her son has been missing since March and could they please help him find his game.
2. Why are people upset with Brett Farve because he wants to play. What the fuck do you do for a living? If you could earn millions of dollars for putting your hands under a man's ass and throwing pigskin at a guy that is wearing the same colors as you, you wouldn't retire either. The bottom line is Brett is like a supermodel that does not know her time is done? She starts off doing shoots for SI and Victoria Secrets and the has to settle for BIGGUMS or MS. JULY on the Junk in the Trunk calender. As long as someone wants him he is not going to walk away. The NFL is going to have to tell him to fuck off for him to retire. I think Brett would play in the 40 and over league sponsored by NY Fried Chicken if they let him start at QB.
3. I heard this guy on the radio say the other day he didn't think Vick was truly sorry and there is no way he should be allowed to play in the NFL , because it is a privilege not a right. Are you fucking serious. He did time,loss his endorsements,his fame, his job,and filed bankruptcy. What's left fuck Weesie from The Jeffersons and be forced to listen to Kanye singing? No one knows what is truly in a man's heart other than God and if Vick said he was sorry and he did his time that should be good enough Bitch.
4. Does anyone know that the NHL Playoffs are going on?
5. Well the Orioles are losing once again, but this time it's different. How you ask, because this time they had a plan to loose. Before they loss just because they sucked. This time they actually put a well thought of plan in place to loose and they told us this before the season started. Just look at their pitching staff, it consists of pitchers that were cut from the Nationals Triple A team and two of the pitchers were pitching in the slow pitch post office softball league in Venezuela when the Orioles signed them.
6. The Utah Jazz are the most talented team in the NBA and I believe if they keep their team together and get a shooting guard they can win a ring. They could win right now if Deron Williams played pick and roll all day with Boozer and Okur. Who could stop that shit? Deron Williams is the best PG in the league.
7. Before the season started I told my boys that Houston would get out of the 1ST round and they did. Houston has two of the things that you need to win a ring. A legitimate force in the middle in Yao Ming and not one but two shut down defenders in Artest and Battier. They only lack a superior wing scorer like say TMAC. If I was the Rockets head coach I would throw it down inside to Yao every time and fine and suspend any motherfucker who disobeyed this order.This isn't the NFL. I would run the some play every time down court.
8. Addition by subtraction. Give Jerry Jones credit for one thing. He fessed up to his mistake and cut TO,Tank, and Pacman Jones. I believe the Boys will be better off and Romo is now the one and only voice that will be heard in the huddle. It will be like when Tiki retired and Shockey was hurt. Eli became the leader and his team followed him and respected him more.
9. Oscar De La Hoya retired and I wish I could have seen the Ass Whipping he received. Boxers are gladiators who never back down and they don't walk away from anything. Getting knocked on your ass isn't enough for a boxer to retire. Imagine getting beat so bad that you decide right after the fight not weeks later but right after the fight I can't do this shit no more. I just got fucked up and I can't defend myself anymore. Fuck all these millions I'm done. That's an ass whipping. I'm about to go on YouTube now and watch that shit now.
10. How do you think Josh McDaniels feels now after trading his disgruntled QB for Kyle Orton and a $5 foot long with everything no hots. The Broncos will be feeling this shit for years and eventually this fool will loose his job. You don't trade franchise QB's because you did not draft them. Good luck Ronald McDonald I mean McDaniels you fucking buffoon.

What The NBA Is Missing

What the NBA is missing is something I have been talking about with my boys for the past 5 years. Unless Kobe or Shaq is involved the only rivalries that exist are the Lakers against everyone else. A Pimp Name Stern has turned this league into a place where a man named Big Baby is an enforcer. Can you imagine Easy E and Ice Cube wearing Pink Raiders hats and calling themselves Niggas With Attitudes. More like Bitches With Issues. When you have muthafucking Kendrick Perkins and 120 pound Rajon Rondo throwing motherfuckers into scoring tables and mugging people down your league has issues. In the following issue of The LowDown I'm going to discuss what is missing from the NBA and how I would fix it.

• The NBA has always been a league of contrasting styles and personalities, but the one thing you could always count on was it was a league of men. In life there are lovers and fighters and some guys do both. There is nothing wrong with being a lover, but when the time is right you better be prepared to throw down. Larry Bird wasn't a thug, but he was tough. Hit him and he would hit you back. He couldn't really fight, but this is the NBA not the Octagon.Even if you can't fight for shit there is always something to keep you from receiving a world class ass whipping. Do you know what it is called? It is called the break up. You see it in wrestling all the time. Two guys are about to go at it then a bunch of guys run in and break it up and the guys act like they want to fuck each other up while they are going there separate ways. With this in mind. Why does Dirk Nowitski allow David West to slap him in the face in front of millions and for Kenyon Martin to elbow him whenever he goes to the rack.
• There used to be an unwritten rule in the NBA called the no lay up rule. If you went to the hole for a dunk you were put on your ass by an enforcer and you were forced to hit free throws. After going to the paint and receiving elbows and forearm blows players were forced to either develop perimeter games or man up. The Pistons were masters of this strategy. They along with the Knicks forced Michael Jordan to become a better jump shooter. If the game of basketball was all about jumping higher and running faster Jordan and the Bulls would have never loss. There are other elements to the game of basketball like physical and mental toughness. With the exception of the Celtics with Garnett and the Houston Rockets everyone else outplays their opponents with finesse.
• I grew up watching guys like Buck Williams, Charles Oakley,Anthony Mason,Bill Laimbeer,Dennis Rodman,Darryl Dawkins, and Rick Mahorn to name a few. These guys were no nonsense ass kickers. Fuck with them or their teamates and you were going to get fucked with back. Don't get me wrong these guys had skills beyond intimidation, but they were not hybrid forwards like Garnett, Duncan, or Nowitski. They were power forwards who played in the paint and patrolled the area. No matador defense, no perimeter game,just rebounding, hard defense, and a I DON'T GIVE A FUCK WHO YOU ARE ATTITUDE YOU WILL PAY FOR TRYING TO DUNK ON ME OR MY TEAM. As strong as LEBRON is if there were still enforcers in the league he would be a helluva jump shooter right now.
• A Pimp Named Stern does not want his star players hurt, so he instituted flagrant fouls and suspensions for tough fouls. Now everyone is hesitant to touch a player for fear of being suspended. With that said there are no real rivalries.
• Who doesn't remember Jeff Van Gundy holding on to Alonzo Mourning's leg for dear life during the Heat Knicks series. That was some good ass ball back then , because of the physicality and hatred involved.
• If you were too young to remember then go on you tube and watch Kevin McHale hit Kurt Rambis with a clothesline that had Road Warrior Animal saying OH WHAT A RUSH. The Lakers were killing the Celtics and Larry Bird questioned the manhood of his teammates. He said he was tired of seeing Magic shucking and jiving and slapping fives with his teammates. He put the call to arms out there for a few good men and Kevin McHale answered the call and tuned the series in favor of the Celtics.
• I remember Isiah Thomas being left off the Olympic Team and him proceeding to take his frustrations out on John Stockton who made the team. Isaih was abusing him up in Salt Lake City and there was nothing John could do about it, but accept it. Knowing this Karl Malone came to the rescue and elbowed the shit out of Isiah when he was coming down the lane and Isiah received close to 80 stitches. There was know brawl, because both teams understood that's how men settle their beefs. Karl knew what message Isiah was sending by schooling Stockton and Isiah knew why Karl floored his ass with the elbow. Karl was not suspended or thrown out of the game. He was just fined.
• That's the key. Fine guys don't suspend them for playing the game the right way. Hard fouls are not intended to hurt players, but let them know nothing will come easy. Today's game is filled with guys who have no fear of the paint. The other day Rondo challenged Dwight Howard and I was like damn back in the day he would have shot a tear drop or pulled up for a jumper. Dwight Howard should have put his ass in the 5th row and stood over top of him and called him a bitch for bringing that weak shit in the paint.
• What good is being 7foot tall if there is no intimidation or physical presence to your game. Remember Kobe dunking on Yao or everybody dunking on Shawn Bradley. Imagine if they would have knocked some motherfuckers down. Spell it RESPECT.
• Bring back the POWER in power forward and the game will change. I like teams that do things different. The Lakers are uptempo. The Celtics are defensive minded. The Houston Rockets are old school. The Orlando Magic shoot threes. With all that said I don't like watching the NBA unless the Lakers are involved.
• Bring back hard fouls, physical play,hatred and the Power Forward. Imagine this LeBron takes off for a dunk Al Horford hits him high and Josh Smith elbows him in the ribs. LeBron hits the floor hard. The Hawks players stand over top of him and Joe Smith and Ben Wallace come over to push the Hawks out of the way so they can pick LeBron up. There is some pushing going on. Players calling each other Bitches and Motherfuckers and finger pointing. Guess what happens now we are watching the next game and LeBron and the rest of the Cavs know that if they go in the paint they better ring the bell and watch both ways before they cross the street.
• I'M OUT LIKE THE HEAT IN SEVEN.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  

Kobe Through The Years

Michael Is The Greatest Player Of All Time Until.....

"And now the starting line up for your World Champion Chicago Bulls" "AT FORWARD FROM CLEMSON 6-10 HORACE GRANT" "AAAA 6-7 FORWARD FROM CENTRAL ARKANSAS SCOOTTTTIEEE PIPPEN" "THE MAN IN THE MIDDLE FROM SAN FRANSICO 7-1 BIILLLL CAAARTWRIGHT" "A 6-2 GUARD FROM NOTRE DAME JOOOOHHHNN PAXSON" "FRRRROM NORTH CAROLINA AT GUARD 6-6 MICHAEL JORDAN".Anybody who was a fan of the NBA regardless of whether you liked the Bulls or not remembers that shit. I didn't like the Bulls but goddammit I watched them motherfuckers every time they played and that was because of one man:MICHAEL JEFFREY JORDAN. If you went to Webster's Dictionary and looked up the definition of a basketball player the picture would be that of Michael Jordan. I didn't get to see Dr. J during his prime, but his highlight reel is ridiculous. With that being said I have always said Magic and Larry were the best players on the ground Michael was the best player in the air. The only player that I can can compare to His Airness would be Muhammed Ali. Some 25 years after his debut in the league the NBA is still searching for his replacement. The problem is there is only one Michael Jordan and anyone else Kobe included is only duplicating what we have already seen.

• CAREER HIGHLIGHTS AND AWARDS


• 6X NBA CHAMPION(1991,1992,1993,1996,1997,1998)


• 5X NBA MVP


• 14X NBA ALL STAR


• 6X NBA FINALS MVP


• 1X DEFENSIVE PLAYER of the YEAR


• 10X ALL NBA FIRST TEAM


• 1X ALL NBA SECOND TEAM


• 9X NBA ALL DEFENSIVE FIRST TEAM


• 1985 ROOKIE OF THE YEAR


• 1985 ALL ROOKIE TEAM


• 3X NBA ALL STAR GAME MVP


• 2X NBA SLAM DUNK CONTEST WINNER


• NBA'S 50TH ANNIVERSARY ALL TIME TEAM


• 1X TIME NCAA MEN'S BASKETBALL CHAMPION


• 1982 ACC FRESHMEN OF THE YEAR


• 1X ACC MEN'S BASKETBALL PLAYER OF THE YEAR


• 1X USBWA COLLEGE PLAYER OF THE YEAR


• 1X NAISMITH COLLEGE PLAYER OF THE YEAR


• 1X JOHN WOODEN AWARD WINNER


• 1X ADOLPH RUPP AWARD WINNER


• 1991 SPORTS ILLUSTRATED SPORTSMAN OF THE YEAR


• 2000 ESPY ATHLETE OF THE CENTURY


• 1990'S ESPY MALE ATHLETE DECADE AWARD


• He holds the record for highest career regular season scoring average with 30 ppg and playoff scoring average at 33.4 ppg. In 1998 he won the MVP AWARD and the DEFENSIVE PLAYER OF THE YEAR AWARD.His accolades are second to none, but they only tell you part of the story.


• What separated Michael from Larry and Magic was not his desire to win, but his ability to do things they could never do. If Michael wanted to shut you down he could. If he wanted to drop 50 on you he could. He could post you up,dunk on you block your shit or just plain school you whenever he wanted too.Larry was a better shooter and Magic was a better passer and teammate, but neither could overwhelm you with their sheer athleticism. Magic could dominate you with his ability to play all five positions and Larry could do it all, but neither could isolate a man at the top of the key go baseline dribble in get confronted dribble back out, go back in again and dunk on a seven foot center who is waiting at the rim for them. Larry would have pulled up for a mid range jumper or found an open teammate. Magic would have made awesome ridiculous pass to a teammate for a dunk or he would have attempted a layup and possibly gotten fouled, but not Mike that was to easy. The reason why he treated his opponents like the Globe Trotters treated the Washington Generals was because he could. He wanted to let you know that on any given play I am capable of that shit and there is nothing you can do about it.
• Michael had the ability to be friendly with you on the court and kill you at the same time. What he did to Charles Barkley in the 92 finals was a perfect example. He would hold a conversation with Chuck and then say hold on I got to dunk on you. Then he would ask Charles where are we going to eat after the game. Wait a second I got to drop this three on Ainge. You know we should hit the clubs this weekend. Hold up I gotta hit this game winner on Kevin Johnson. Charles was so concerned with being Jordan's friend that with Game 4 on the line in the closing seconds Jordan drove right into Barkley and he stood there like Luke Walton with his hands in straight up in the air and allowed Mike to convert a three point play. This was the same man that body slammed Shaq and he couldn't prevent Mike from scoring. That is a testament to how powerful Mike was. Charles would have knocked any other man into the 5th row and then called him a Bitch and maybe even spit on him but not Mike. That's why there will never ever be another Michael Jordan, because his opponents worshipped him like his fans did.
• Last but not least David Stern won't allow it to be another Michael Jordan. With the ability to zone off the floor and triple team players, no defense even the Phoenix Suns D won't simply allow one man to beat them night in and night out.
• If Mike played today I think he would be even better because today's competition is much better at his position. I think having to guard Kobe,D-Wade,Lebron,TMac,Brandon Roy and countless others would have brought out the best in Mike and you know he thrives on challenges.
• Simply put stop searching for the next Mike and enjoy the first Kobe and the first Lebron, because of the different eras and the different rules there will never ever be another Michael Jefferey Jordan (THE GREATEST OF ALL TIME UNTIL........